Vivek: Hello?

LPC: Hi.

LPC: How's it going?

Vivek: Hey.

Vivek: Hey, I'll be seeing.

Vivek: How's it going?

Vivek: You're doing well?

LPC: Yeah.

LPC: How's everybody doing tonight?

LPC: Glad to be with you.

LPC: Happy Monday, everybody.

LPC: We're going to have a little fun tonight.

LPC: Thank you so much.

LPC: Thank you, Philadelphia. Thank you very much! Please mine! [exhales]

Woman (1): Hello?

LPC: Hello?

Woman (1): Hello.

LPC: Hi, yeah, this is Sheamus—Sheamus Blaha. How ya doin’?

SPEAKER_00: I'm doing okay.

LPC: I’m lookin’ for somewhere to… host a community meeting. We’re tryin’ to get a community meeting goin’ here. [exhales]

Woman (1): Can you hold on, please?

LPC: I don't have a lot of time here, miss.

LPC: Would you be interested in hosting a community meeting if I bring all the melon and cold cuts and so on and so forth?

Woman (1): No, I’m disabled. I can’t, I’m sorry.—

LPC: Oh! [delay]Well not tonight but maybe sometime in May?

Woman (1): I can’t, I’m disabled. I can hardly walk.

LPC: It has to do with all the opossum and all the prairie dogs in our community, ma'am.

LPC: Surely you can appreciate that, can't.

LPC: Chee, she, jean, cheat, jean, cheat, cheat, cheat, cheat.

LPC: Well, you think about it, and I'll get back to you.

LPC: Appreciate your time.

LPC: Woo!

LPC: Awesome.

LPC: Yes, indeed, yes, indeed.

LPC: Thank you all for being here tonight.

LPC: Yes, yes, yes, yes.

Vivek: Wanna take some questions from, ah, from the audience?

LPC: Certainly do. I certainly do.

LPC: That'd be phenomenal.

Vivek: You'd probably want to come down here.

Vivek: to see if you get to the mic, that way he can hear you, and we can be closer to the boat.

Arthur: Hello?

LPC: Hey, Arthur.

Arthur: Yeah.

LPC: Hey, this is Timmy.

LPC: What's you up to you tonight?

Arthur: Is who?

LPC: Timmy.

LPC: You heard me.

Arthur: Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy.

LPC: Hey, do me a favor.

LPC: Would you bring your receptacles and your bins closer into your house?

LPC: Kind of an eyesore out here.

Arthur: What?

LPC: You know, your bin.

LPC: and your receptacles and your cans,

LPC: your recycling bin, all that stuff.

LPC: It's kind of a nice sore out here.

LPC: Bring it in, would you?

LPC: Do the neighborhood of favor.

LPC: Do yourself a favor.

LPC: All right, up, Barrow?

Arthur: Who’s this?

LPC: This is Timmy there, guy.

LPC: Cheen, jean, jean, jean.

Arthur: Who’s “Timmy”?

LPC: I'm in the community, and I don't like what I see you up here.

LPC: Now, surely, you can do us a favor

LPC: and straighten it up a bit,

LPC: and you understand?

LPC: Am I making sense?

LPC: Am I getting through?

Arthur: No, you’re not “gettin’ through”.

LPC: Oh, no?

Arthur: No.

LPC: Hey, well, a good,

LPC: friend of mine's on the city council.

LPC: Why don't we stop by and have a few words with you

LPC: on foot?

Arthur: Oh, my

Arthur: God.

Arthur: What a fucking idiot you are.

LPC: Well, let's get together.

LPC: Come on, rough, man.

Arthur: What?

LPC: Come on, rough, man.

LPC: Let's put our heads together and come up with

LPC: a little game plan here tonight.

LPC: I don't like what I see.

LPC: Do not like what I see.

LPC: Am I clearer?

LPC: Look, I just do as a favor.

LPC: Pick it up.

LPC: All right.

LPC: Get out there and strain it up.

LPC: What?

LPC: Pick up your bins, guy.

LPC: Your garbage can.

Arthur: Where is it?

LPC: It's a mess, is what it is.

LPC: All right?

Arthur: Where is it?

LPC: It's too close to me.

LPC: It's too close to my property line.

LPC: And I don't like what I see.

Arthur: What's your property line?

Arthur: What's your address?

LPC: You know, gargone, well, my address is.

LPC: You're not fooling anybody.

Arthur: I do.

LPC: Pick it up.

LPC: You got it?

Arthur: Not tonight.

LPC: What's it going to take for me to get through to you?

LPC: Huh?

LPC: What is it going to take?

Arthur: I get rid of tomorrow.

Arthur: Morning.

LPC: Tomorrow.

LPC: Oh, it's all.

LPC: You're full of excuses.

LPC: Every time I turn around, huh?

LPC: Oh, I'll do it later.

LPC: Oh, it's not my problem.

LPC: It's, you know, just getting gear, guy.

LPC: All right.

LPC: Otherwise, I'm going to stop by and pay you a visit on foot.

LPC: Comprendi?

Arthur: Well if you come on my property then you better bring a body bag for yourself.

LPC: A body bag.

LPC: What do you get in that?

Arthur: What?

LPC: I'll bring my horse whip.

LPC: If you try to get me any lip.

LPC: And we'll see who needs the bags then, tough guy, huh?

LPC: What do you say to this one?

Arthur: Come on open.

Arthur: Bring a body bag, boy.

Arthur: I just love to do it.

LPC: I'll bring my bull whip and take care you a one, two, three.

LPC: Splat.

LPC: That's it.

LPC: End the story.

Arthur: Bring anything you want, scumbag.

LPC: How’s that frickin’ sound, there, Rough Man?

Arthur: Yeah.

Arthur: I'm waiting.

LPC: You're going to be laying on the sidewalk.

LPC: What not?

LPC: I'm done with you.

LPC: I'm going to roll you into traffic.

LPC: What do you think of that one?

Arthur: That sounds good.

LPC: Well, do yourself a favor.

LPC: Straighten it up.

LPC: If you don't, I'm going to stop by in the morning of a bright and early and pay a little visit.

LPC: Comprenda?

Arthur: Yeah, do that.

LPC: I'll do it.

Arthur: Do that.

Arthur: Okay.

LPC: Thank you.

LPC: Thank you, Philadelphia.

LPC: Sorry about that.

Man(1): First of all, I was going to have a nervous study of your work.

LPC: Thank you.

Man(1): One of the many things that elevate your phone work to an art point is the sincere emotional responses that they invoke,

Man(1): whether it's confusion and anger or some form of manic joy.

Man(1): And there's a few calls for me that stand out decisively.

Man(1): Super Nintendo is a big one of them.

Man(1): There's a specific one of them. There's this an emotional response there.

Man(1): I was wondering if there were any you had that affected you emotionally in any way.

LPC: Like in a Stuart Smatley sort of way, doggone it?

LPC: Oh, thinking back, you know, it's just a thing here and there.

LPC: I'll tell you one thing.

LPC: There was a guy who commissioned me to call his girlfriend.

LPC: He's a big listener to LaMont loves it.

LPC: And to equal proportion, his girlfriend.

LPC: girlfriend hates it. Hates me. Never met me, but hates me. Just so much.

LPC: So he actually commissioned me to call her. It's a track called Profideral Fratada. I don't know if anyone's

LPC: at all familiar with that particular call. It's one of my least favorite tracks. It just fills me with,

LPC: gosh, I don't know. She's just rude. She's an awful chick. I don't know what her problem is. That one

LPC: fills me with rage, pretty much.

LPC: Thank you. It's a cornucopia of emotion, is what I'm saying, to be found.

LPC: But thank you so much. I'll give it some more thought. Give it some more thought here.

LPC: Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, oh, yeah. Oh, oh, yeah. Oh, oh, oh, yeah. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hey.

LPC: Hey, man, I’m gonna be… uh, firin’ up my jackhammer, here. Just wanted to clear it with ya in advance.

LPC: I got my jackhammer. I’m gonna fire it up tonight and get workin’. I just wanted to… notify ya up front so there’s no surprises, alright?

Bill: What's your name?

LPC: Sheamus Blaha. I’m new to the area and, uh…

LPC: I got your number off a bulletin board up at the market, ya know.

LPC: Okay.

LPC: So I’m gonna get started about 11 PM—my jackhammer.

Bill: What’s your address?

LPC: Oh, I'm just Caddy Corner, too, you.

Bill: Well I wanted you to help me. I’mma have—have a party for all the neighbors. See if you wanted to help me.

LPC: When’s that takin’ place?

Bill: Well, whenever we decide to—to do it and find out… everybody’s name.

LPC: Well I’m Sheamus Blaha, if you wanna jot that down.

Bill: Well can you email? I’ve got my hands full.

LPC: Oh, do you?

Bill: Tell me, Bill Foster.

LPC: Bill Foster.

SPEAKER_01: Bill Foster at BFAWaco.com.

LPC: Oh, yeah? How ‘bout I come over and, uh… help myself to some snack in your kitchen!?

Woman (2): Thanks for Conigloff Capitol Hill.

Woman (2): Can you hold, please?

LPC: Yeah, sure.

Woman (2): Thank you.

Bill: Who’s that?

LPC: Can I come over and, uh… fix myself some… vittles here tonight, or…?!

Bill: How ‘bout tomorra?

LPC: ”How ‘bout tomorra?”

LPC: Well, tonight would be better for me.

LPC: It really would.

LPC: Is that work?

SPEAKER_01: Work, work.

SPEAKER_01: Work?

Man(2): Thanks for calling Nicholas.

Man(2): How can I help you?

LPC: Hi, I need to get a fountain drink.

Man(2): Alright, you can just come get that, thanks.

LPC: It's okay.

LPC: Hi.

LPC: Woo!

LPC: Oh, yeah.

LPC: Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

LPC: How are we tonight?

Man(3): Doin’ great! How are you?

LPC: Perfect! Lay it on me! I’m… happy to be here!—

Man(3): I have a question. I've been wondering.

Man(3): You've always had a cult following.

Man(3): It's kind of, especially since the age of the internet where popularity is growing, things like that.

Man(3): Especially now with the movie that we have all just seen, how we've been feeling about, like,

Man(3): talking more about your process, kind of like, rolling inside the aura and an enemy about you.

Man(3): How does it feel to talk a little bit more about what you do and share kind of like with the world what the process is, what you do?

LPC: Oh, thanks for asking. I'm just beginning to find out. It's certainly uncharted territory, never having been in a movie before, having anything to do with or any concept, really, of what it involved.

LPC: I mean, I had a concept.

LPC: But, you know, lots of emails and letters coming in, lots of well-wishers.

LPC: So that part of it's really nice.

LPC: It is a bit of an adjustment.

LPC: But, no, it's been really positive so far.

LPC: It's been a rarity up to this point, so that's another positive, you know?

Stuart: Hello.

LPC: Hey, Stuart.

Stuart: Yeah.

LPC: Hi, how you doing?

Stuart: Hey, I’m—I’m doing well. How are you doin’?

LPC: Good. This is Rory.

Stuart: Brody?

LPC: Rory.

Stuart: Oh, Rory.

LPC: Yeah.

Stuart: Hey, how’s it goin’?

LPC: Not too bad.

LPC: What's been happening?

Stuart: How much?

Stuart: I'm watching a movie about Baroneys right now.

Stuart: …with my roommates.

LPC: Oh, yeah?

Stuart: And, uh, yeah.

Stuart: You know who's been on my mind lately is Alex Trebek, and I was wondering if you've gotten a hold of him since the whole diagnosis.

LPC: Oh yeah, I’ve talked to him a couple times.

Stuart: Yeah.

LPC: Yeah.

Stuart: Did he seem to be in good spirits?

LPC: Definitely. Definitely. He's no worse for the wear, at least, you know, verbally sounding.

LPC: But, yeah. I was happy to talk to him. He was happy to pick up. So, no, I felt weird calling him,

LPC: —but he’s— He’s still dishin’ it out, ya know?

Stuart: Yeah? Di—? Is he—? Did he have any, like, shipments on—? —on the way to his house or anything when you called him?

LPC: Yeah.

Stuart: Yeah.

LPC: Oh. Oh, nice time.

Stuart: Is it going to be on the same?

Stuart: next record?

LPC: He was, uh, preparing a shipment, actually.

Stuart: Oh, really?

Arthur: Come over already.

LPC: What are you doing, guy?

LPC: I'm supposed to meet you outside. What are you doing? What are you waiting for?

Arthur: I’ve been outs— I’ve been outside.

LPC: Oh, bullshit.

Arthur: Really?

Stuart: Dude, you’re fulla shit, man!

Arthur: Yeh? Ring my fuckin’ bell, then. Come over already!

Stuart: Hey man, can you cut—cut it with the language? I’ve got my kid on the line, here.

Arthur: You got to see.

Arthur: Get on the line?

Arthur: Ring my fucking bell.

LPC: I'm going to ring your neck, guy.

LPC: What I'm going to do.

Arthur: Wring my neck, then, ya little dickhead!

Stuart: Hey, again, language.

Arthur: Fuck you, scumbag.

Arthur: Ring my bell.

LPC: What’re you prepared to do about it, there, guy?

Arthur: Ring my bell, but you'll see.

LPC: You're going to be seeing stars, guy, once I'm done pummeling.

Arthur: Really?

Arthur: I've been seeing stars.

Arthur: saw us when your wife is sucking my dick.

LPC: Hey, look at here, Bono.

Arthur: When I'm...

Arthur: Blu-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-I.

LPC: I'm going to take care of you real quick. I'm going to take care of you tonight.

LPC: Good.

LPC: I'm going to lay you out.

SPEAKER_04: I'm going to take care you real quick. I'm going to take care of you tonight.

LPC: I'm going to lay you out.

LPC: Lay you out.

LPC: I'm going to...

Stuart: I'm going to...

SPEAKER_04: I'm going to...

SPEAKER_04: I'm going to take care you tonight.

Stuart: I'm going to lay you out.

Arthur: You what?

SPEAKER_04: I think you're a pussy, man.

Stuart: I think you're a pussy, man.

LPC: I'm going to lay you out.

Arthur: I'm going to lay you out.

SPEAKER_05: I'm going to lay you real quick.

Arthur: Yeah, well, come on over this kid.

Arthur: You just are going to lay you out.

SPEAKER_00: Yeah, no, can I'm outside.

SPEAKER_04: I'm not sorry.

SPEAKER_04: I'm going to take care you right. I'm going to take care of you tonight.

SPEAKER_00: I'm going to lay out.

LPC: Look at here, horses' ass.

LPC: I'm going to take care of you.

LPC: leg rest of you well into the night.

LPC: You feel me?

SPEAKER_00: I'm going to lay you out.

SPEAKER_04: I'm going to take care of you real quick.

LPC: I'm going to kick you ass.

Stuart: Yeah, I think you're a little pussy.

Stuart: —and that’s why you, uh… That’s why you talk a big game— ‘Cause you got sh—short arms!

LPC: He's got a short attention span.

LPC: Hey, man, take care.

Stuart: Hey, man, you too.

Stuart: Thanks so much for calling.

LPC: Hey, thank you.

LPC: I'll talk to you soon.

Stuart: Alright, peace!

LPC: Uh-huh.

LPC: Bye.

LPC: Hi.

LPC: Thank you for being here.

LPC: It's awesome.

LPC: Yeah, awes.

LPC: It's awesome.

LPC: Yeah, awesome.

LPC: You just are.

LPC: You're awesome.

LPC: People of Philadelphia, I got to tell you right here.

LPC: Woo.

LPC: So, yeah.

Vivek: Hey, LPC, we're going to have to, we're going to have to cut it short here.

Vivek: We've got another screening, as you know, coming up in about 25 minutes.

Vivek: So I think on behalf of the audience here, we'd like to thank you.

Vivek: for taking the time to call us.

Vivek: Thank you.

SPEAKER_09: Thank you.

LPC: Thank you, guys.

LPC: Blessed be.

LPC: Have a fantastic evening.

LPC: Thank you so much.

LPC: I'll talk to you soon.

LPC: I'll see you soon.

LPC: Take care.