MC: Hello.

MC: You are, uh, live here at, uh, Spectacle Theater.

LPC: How are you doing all?

LPC: Bar, bar, bar, par, par, par, par, par, par.

LPC: Hi.

LPC: How's everybody doing tonight?

LPC: Woo!

LPC: Oh, yeah, all right.

LPC: Outstanding.

LPC: I'm happy to hear that.

LPC: Well, you know, happy Saturday, I'd like to say.

LPC: Just takin’ a bath, here.

LPC: Lemme hop out, here.

MC: So, uh, LPC, do you wanna take some, uh, questions?

LPC: Yes, please.

LPC: Or we could make some calls, call some pay phones, call the White House.

MC: Let's make some calls.

LPC: Okay.

LPC: I got something here.

LPC: It's ringing.

Woman(1): Can I help you?

LPC: Hi, yes.

LPC: I needed some help here tonight, please.

SPEAKER_11: Who is this?

LPC: My name is.

Woman(1): Oh, uh, yeah! You called yesterday, Percival.

LPC: Yeah, I did.

LPC: W-what did you say?—

Woman(1): I'm working at a trade show, so I can't be on the phone.

Woman(1): I'm very sorry, but you can feel free to message me, Percival.

LPC: Oh, shucks.

LPC: They left.

LPC: That's okay.

LPC: This gal, apparently, has gotten real hip, real quick, is what she's done.

LPC: Okay, okay.

LPC: I can dig it.

LPC: So, uh, let's just move forward, shall we?

LPC: Who's with me on that?

LPC: Because, uh, thank you.

LPC: Thank you.

LPC: Hey, sir, ma'am, thank you.

Thomas: Hey, Longmont, could I—? Could I ask you to make a call for me?

LPC: Absolutely.

Thomas: I was hoping you could call my mom.

LPC: Oh, sure.

Thomas: Yeah, it's, uh, her phone number is two, four, five, six, four, four, five.

Thomas: Thank you.

LPC: Okay, what’s her name?

Thomas: Nancy.

LPC: Okay, thanks for your patience.

LPC: We'll get Nancy on the line here.

LPC: All right.

LPC: What town does she live in?

Thomas: She’s in Rhode Island— In Barrington, Rhode Island.

LPC: Okay, thank you.

Nancy: Hello.

LPC: Hi, Nancy.

Nancy: Yeah?

LPC: Nancy?

LPC: Oh, hi.

LPC: Yes, how you doing?

Nancy: Who is this, please?

LPC: I'm Chester. I'm your new neighbor.

LPC: I got your number from the post office.

LPC: And listen, I'm sorry to bother you.

LPC: I'm new to the area here.

Nancy: What neighbor?

Nancy: Where are you my neighbor?

LPC: Oh, I'm just around the corner off to the right there.

LPC: My phone, it actually doesn't have...

Nancy: Uh, I’m sorry, what town are you even talking about?

LPC: Oh, sure, sure.

LPC: It doesn't have an eight, so I needed to borrow your phone.

LPC: I got to make a very important call.

Woman(2): What are you talking about?

LPC: I-if I maybe pay you some money? I need to make a very important phone call, uh-uh, Nancy. Here, tonight. And my phone—

LPC: And my phone doesn't have the numeral eight on it, you know, so...

Nancy: I don't know to you.

LPC: I know before.

LPC: never met, but I'd consider it a big, big favorite.

Nancy: And I am not your neighbor, and I have to know I know who you are.

LPC: Oh, yeah, we've met.

LPC: I walked by when you were outside.

LPC: Oh, sure.

LPC: Oh, uh-huh, ha, ha, ha, ha.

LPC: Just for a few minutes.

Nancy: And I’m not there now, anyway.

LPC: Well, I can meet you when it's convenient for you.

LPC: My phone does not have an eight.

LPC: It does not have it.

LPC: I'm sorry.

LPC: I'm going to make a phone call.

Nancy: I'm sorry.

Nancy: You’re gonna have to get, uh, your own phone.

LPC: No, I'll just go to your door and wait for you to come home, and then when you get home, we'll get on the phone.

Nancy: No, you will not.

Nancy: sir, I'll call the police.

LPC: The police?

Nancy: You are not gonna wait at my door.

LPC: I’ll just wait in the backyard and then when you get home, we can look at—

Nancy: No, you are not going to wait.

LPC: Well, why is that?

Nancy: I get home.

Nancy: I will call the police.

LPC: Don’t call the police—

LPC: Good luck.

LPC: I'm going to work.

LPC: I'll give you $20, okay.

LPC: Does that sound good, or…?

LPC: Hello?

LPC: Let me tell you something.

LPC: Thomas's mother Nancy is who was that was right there.

LPC: Uh-huh.

LPC: Oh, big time.

LPC: Let's move right along, shall we?

LPC: Who's with me up there?

LPC: Wonderful.

LPC: Thank you.

LPC: And thank you for your patience.

LPC: Thank you for packing your patience, as they say, on the traffic report.

LPC: We're going to get through this together.

LPC: Good morning, cafe.

LPC: Hi, how you doing?

Sandy: Can you hold, please?

LPC: I don't have a lot of time here.

LPC: I'm here. I'm out of pay phone.

LPC: I just need to get a takeout.

LPC: order, if I could.

LPC: Is that okay?

Sandy: Yes, what would you like?

LPC: It's really coming down out here.

LPC: It's raining.

LPC: It's slendering.

LPC: I don't know what to do.

Sandy: Okay, what do you want, sir?

LPC: I got to get some food.

LPC: What's your name?

LPC: I didn't catch your name.

Sandy: Sandy?

LPC: Sandy?

LPC: Oh, this is Chester.

LPC: How are you doing?

LPC: What are you doing?

LPC: Oh, pa.

LPC: Okay.

LPC: Do you have pie?

Sandy: Okay, what would you like?

LPC: Do you have pie, for the second time? Hm?

Sandy: Pie?

Sandy: Yes, we have pie.

LPC: Okay.

Sandy: I can’t hear you; you keep echoing.

LPC: It's raining. It's, like I said, I apologize. It's pouring down here.

LPC: I'm at a painful.

Sandy: I— I apologize, too, ‘cause I’m— I’m just havin’ a hard time hearin’ ya—

LPC: Well, I apologize again. What do you think of that?

SPEAKER_04: I need an extra small pie. Okay, we have apple.

LPC: Okay, I need an extra small apple pie.

LPC: Okay. And I need extra small. You know, I'm trying to limit what I do here.

Sandy: It comes in one size, sir.

LPC: I can’t be goin’ buckwild here, alright? Are you with me, or…? [stammers]

LPC: Or are you? Oh, yeah. I'll have a bit of saying.

LPC: This lady expects.

LPC: me to go freaking buck wild with the pie. You know, and I tried to tell, look, I, you know,

LPC: no, not going to happen. Okay, I got another line ring in here. Let's see what happens up here.

LPC: Just real quick, real quick. Bear with me.

Woman(2): Thank you for calling the Dr. Tom. Thompson, Midfell. How may I assist you?

LPC: Hi, how are you doing up there?

Woman(2): I’m doin’ well! How ‘bout yourself?

LPC: I'm good. How are you doing all?

LPC: Oh, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, what do you do here?

Woman(2): Um, it’s an adult store. Can I ask where you’re calling?

LPC: Right! I needed to get a couple publications. I was wondering if you have ‘em.

Woman(2): I’m not sure what that means.

LPC: Magazines.

Woman(2): Oh, magazines. Yeah, we do have a large selection of magazines.

LPC: Okay. Um. D’you have, uh, Pulp Grip at all?

Woman(2): I'm not sure. We have so many different magazines. You'll have to come in and love.

Woman(2): look, because they're all different types.

LPC: Um, how ‘bout Flipwad? Have you seen the June issue of Flipwad?

Woman(2): Oh, no, I don't think we have any, like, recent monthly stuff. We just order shipments of,

Woman(2): like, hustler and clubs.

LPC: Okay. Uh, how ‘bout Sea Heap, is the—the new one I was lookin’ for. It’s pretty darn new!

Woman(2): I don't know about any of that. We do have my family better than stuff.

LPC: Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

LPC: You guys got a bunch of stuff up there I can grip hold of tonight, or?

Woman(2): I’m sorry?

LPC: I'm looking to grip hold of some good stuff here today. You know what I'm saying?

LPC: Same, same, same, same.

LPC: You got the goods?

Woman(2): I'm not sure what you're asking.

LPC: I need to grip ‘hold o’ somethin’ l—

LPC: Really?

LPC: You know what I'm saying?

LPC: Hello.

LPC: Hey, what are you doing?

LPC: How late you guys open, anyhow?

LPC: Okay, everybody's gone, but

MC: LPC, can you, uh, make a call?

LPC: Sure, let’s do it!

MC: Here, we’ve got a number for you.

LPC: Okay, I'm ready.

LPC: Hi.

Cliff: It's the, it's the record store I used to work at in Baltimore.

LPC: Oh, hi. Okay.

Cliff: It's 563-9011.

Cliff: Okay.

Man(2): Sound Garden. How can I help you?

LPC: Hey, Sound Garden?

Man(2): Yep.

LPC: What's cracking up?

Man(2): What’s goin’ on with you?

LPC: Um, yeah, I needed to return a record for a full refund.

Man(2): What’s wrong with it?

LPC: Uh, I didn't care for it.

LPC: Pretty inappropriate from what I was expecting.

LPC: I heard a washboard. I heard hand claps.

LPC: It's supposed to be a gospel record.

LPC: inappropriate.

LPC: So I need a cash refund on that, okay?

LPC: Looking for some assurances that when I get there, I can get my money back.

LPC: You understand?

LPC: Because I live way far away.

LPC: Okay?

Man(2): Pretty sure vinyl's non-returnable.

Man(2): Pretty sure this is a prank call.

Man(2): —If there’s nothing wrong with the record itself…

LPC: Oh, there’s a lot wrong with it!

LPC: Big problems.

LPC: there. Up and down.

SPEAKER_06: Black, track, CD.

LPC: Hey, how let you all open up there?

SPEAKER_06: Until eight.

LPC: Okay.

Man(3): Alright.

LPC: Yeah, I'm going to start working there tomorrow.

LPC: Is that okay?

Man(3): Okay.

LPC: What time do you open?

Man(3): 10 o’clock.

LPC: Okay, and how much can I expect to make?

SPEAKER_06: It'll be 11 tomorrow because Sunday.

LPC: Sunday. Sure, sure, uh-huh!

LPC: And so, monetarily, how much can I expect to make?

Man(3): Doin’ what?

LPC: Working there.

LPC: I need to start work.

LPC: tomorrow. I need to make some money right away.

Man(3): Okay, wha—? I mean, this call, man, dude. So, you’re startin’ to work up here—

LPC: Yes.

Man(3): We haven't hired anybody new, man. So, like I said.

LPC: No, I'll be there at 11. I'm just trying to get a feel for, you know, what I can expect up there.

LPC: You know, yeah, yeah, yeah.

LPC: Okay, that was Wax Trax and Sound Garden back-to-back.

LPC: They wised up, and they hung up.

LPC: I'm not going to lie to you.

LPC: people of New York. Not going to Josh you. Not going to Joshua.

LPC: All right. I'm happy to try something else here.

Man(4): Thanks for callin’ Nicolo’s. what can I help you with?

LPC: Hey, thank you! How ya doin?

Man(4): I’m good.

LPC: Hey, can ya hear me?

Man(4): Yeah.

LPC: Oh, you can? I can barely hear you up, but I'm going to pay for you.

Man(4): Yeah, it’s—it’s comin’ through a little weird, but I can hear ya.

LPC: Oh, you can? How many fingers am I holding up?

LPC: Or wait, wait, wait, wait.

LPC: Three.

LPC: How late, no.

LPC: So how later are you open tonight?

Man(4): We'll be open until midnight.

Man(4): We stop serving full menu at 11:30.

LPC: I think you serve later.

LPC: So what do you think of that?

Man(4): That's negative.

LPC: Okay, so if I came in about 20 minutes, can I get a pickup?

Man(4): Yeah, for sure.

LPC: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Can I place an order?

Man(4): Yeah, man.

LPC: Okay, cool.

LPC: What's your need.

LPC: Okay, can I get it?

LPC: a salad, a dinner salad, and then

LPC: with...

Man(4): Large or small on the salad?—

LPC: Large.

LPC: Okay, can I get a large, yeah, sure.

LPC: And I need a bunch of breadsticks, like 32 breadsticks.

Man(4): 32 bread, like the garlic bread?

LPC: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

LPC: And then...

LPC: As far as pizzas.

Man(4): What kinda dressing did you want on that salad?

LPC: Uh, thousand island—

LPC: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

LPC: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Man(4): What's that?

LPC: As far as...

LPC: A Thousand Island?

LPC: It's just, it's like orange, you know?

LPC: I don't really know how to...

Man(4): We don’t have that for sure—

LPC: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

LPC: Okay, no dressing.

LPC: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

LPC: I don't really know how it's okay.

LPC: Oh.

LPC: Or if you, you know, put something on the side, I can experiment around.

LPC: You got to experiment around.

LPC: No dressing.

LPC: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

LPC: Sound good, or?

Man(4): I could totally do that.

Man(4): Yeah.

LPC: So I need some wings.

LPC: Wings.

Man(4): What kinda wings would ya like?—

LPC: Wings.

LPC: I need some wings.

LPC: I need wings.

LPC: Wings.

LPC: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

LPC: Um, buffalo barbecue, barbecue kind of thing, barbecue.

LPC: And then I need about 48, 60 of those.

LPC: Um.

LPC: And then I need about 4860 of those.

LPC: 60 wings, a barbecue.

LPC: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Man(4): I can't, I can't understand a word you say.

LPC: Foundries.

Man(4): Fug's doing something really weird.

LPC: Really weird.

LPC: I'm at a pay phone.

LPC: I'm on my way there.

LPC: I'll be there.

LPC: I'll be there 15 minutes.

Man(4): Yeah, we don't do wings by number anyways.

Man(4): They're by weight.

LPC: I'm not about 10 orders like a pound and fold in my way there.

LPC: I'll be there 15 minutes.

LPC: 10 pounds.

LPC: Fountain drinks?

LPC: 10 pounds.

Man(4): What’s that?

LPC: 10 pounds.

LPC: By a pound, I think about 10 pounds.

LPC: And then I need about 8 pounds of soda.

LPC: 10 pounds.

LPC: And then 10 pounds.

LPC: –8 pounds of soda.

Man(4): You sure you don't want 10 liters?

Man(4): And I need about 8 pounds of soda.

Man(4): A liter of cola?

LPC: Yeah, liter of soda.

LPC: 10 pounds.

LPC: pounds of salad and then they need it six pounds of salad ten pounds of

LPC: and uh ten pounds of pizza uh yeah six pounds of yeah we're definitely not doing anything by

Man(4): weight i mean we're not doing ten pounds of pocket pizza ten pounds of pizza pepperoni pizza

Man(4): i tell you what come in order that here i can barely know what you're saying like the phone's

Man(4): really doing some weird chat

Man(4): Huh?

LPC: I'm at a pay phone.

Man(4): Yeah, it's doing, it's doing like this weird repeating thing and it's doing this weird thing, like right now.

TTS: You have reached the maximum time permitted for recording your message.

TTS: If you were satisfied with your message, what do you do what do you do you?

Nancy: Let me just get a leader of salad.

Nancy: What do you do what do you?

LPC: Okay, let me just get a leader.

Man(4): Yeah, I can't.

Man(4): Like now there's another voice.

LPC: I'll be good to go.

LPC: I need a leader of salad.

Man(4): Leader of salad.

LPC: Yes, and a sentence.

LPC: I need a leader.

LPC: and I'll be there with...

LPC: And this is the next 10 to 15 minutes.

LPC: Yes.

LPC: And the paragraph.

LPC: And I'll be there with...

LPC: What's the total?

LPC: 10 to 15 minutes.

Man(4): All right?

Man(4): I've no idea.

Man(4): I'm going to have to...

Man(4): You can't tell what you say.

Man(4): I can't tell what you say.

LPC: What’s the freakin’ subtotal up there, Cap?

LPC: What's the sub total?

Man(4): I can't tell what you say it.

LPC: What’s my freakin’ subtotal, dawg?

LPC: What's my fucking sub total?

LPC: up, you out, girl?

LPC: Help me out.

LPC: I just got out of the...

LPC: What's my prison?

LPC: You know?

LPC: I've been looking forward to this.

SPEAKER_11: you're having trouble.

Man(4): Yeah, come in.

Man(4): Make that order here.

SPEAKER_11: And you.

SPEAKER_11: Thank you.

LPC: Thank you.

LPC: People of New York.

LPC: Thank you.

MC: We’ve got one more phone number for ya.

LPC: Absolutely.

LPC: Here.

LPC: Okay, I'm ready.

Man(5): It's Jack Kubli.

Man(5): He just got a dog.

LPC: Oh.

SPEAKER_01: 250.

SPEAKER_01: 3271.

LPC: Okay. Thanks. It's ringing.

LPC: Okay.

SPEAKER_01: Thanks.

LPC: Hello?

Jack: Yeah?

LPC: Hey, what’s up?

Jack: Who is it?

LPC: This is Sebastian.

LPC: Who's this?

Jack: That’s what I’m t— saying. Who is it? This is liquor store.

LPC: I know that.

Jack: You tell the wrong number?

LPC: No, I need a liquor store, dude.

Jack: Then what you need?

LPC: I need about 10 cases of Bud Light, but I'm in prison.

LPC: Could you bring it up here to the prison if I pay extra?

Jack: No.

Jack: We don't deliver it.

Jack: Thanks.

Jack: Bye.

LPC: God bless you.

LPC: We got time for one more, don't we?

Thomas: Yeah.

MC: Yeah.

MC: This is going to be the last one.

LPC: Okay, awesome.

LPC: I’ll straighten it up real frickin’ quick!—

VM: Thanks for calling your Domino’s at Ken Caryl and Simms!—

VM: This call may be monitored or recorded—

VM: Be right with you to take your order.

Cliff: Thank you for calling Domino's.

Cliff: Cliff. How am I help you?

LPC: Hey, Cliff.

LPC: I need to, uh,

LPC: get six pizzas?

Cliff: Okay.

Cliff: Hold on one second.

SPEAKER_04: Sure.

Cliff: Can you just verify the phone number? Hello?—

LPC: It's a 303-973-4676.

LPC: It's a 303.

LPC: All right, and I need a large pepperoni.

Cliff: Sorry, can you verify that number again?

Cliff: 303?

LPC: All right, and I need a large pepperoni.

Cliff: Sorry, I need to get that phone number from you.

LPC: 973.

LPC: Uh, 303, 973, 46776, up there.

Cliff: ’Kay—

Cliff: Okay. And, uh, your name?

LPC: Uh, I need a pineapple.

LPC: And I need a pepperoni pizza, and I need a pineapple.

LPC: Uh, I need a pineapple, and I need a pepperoni.

Cliff: Can I get—? Can I get—? Can I get your name?

LPC: If I could get that from you.

LPC: My name's Felipe.

LPC: My name is Felipe.

LPC: Okay, did you catch that, or?

Nancy: [delay] …name is Felipe.

LPC: Did you catch that?

Cliff: Yeah, that's it?

Cliff: Yes.

Cliff: Is this going to be for?

Cliff: carry out or delivery?

LPC: Did you catch up?

LPC: I'm going to need this delivered.

LPC: Okay, no.

LPC: I'm going to need this delivered.

LPC: 10274,

LPC: West Chatfield Avenue.

LPC: And my name's Felipe.

LPC: And I need

LPC: 10274,

LPC: West Chatfield Avenue.

LPC: Pineapple, large.

Cliff: West Chatfield Avenue. Um—

LPC: And I need, uh—

LPC: pepperoni, sausage, large.

LPC: Piner.

LPC: All extra large.

Nancy: Something's echoing.

Nancy: I can't.

Nancy: I can hear you just fine.

Nancy: Don't worry about it.

LPC: And I need a 2-liter o’ Sprite.

LPC: I can hear you just fine.

LPC: Don't worry about it.

LPC: And I need a two liter of Sprite.

LPC: About eight liters of salad.

LPC: I know you guys go in weight, not by quantity.

LPC: About eight liters of salad.

Cliff: Hold on one second.

LPC: I don't have a lot of time.

LPC: I'm at a pay phone here.

LPC: Okay.

LPC: So if I can get that and then I...

LPC: So I mean, I don't have a lot of time.

LPC: I'm out of pay phone here.

LPC: Okay.

LPC: If I can get some breadsticks, about eight liters of breadsticks.

LPC: Okay.

Man(6): I'm sorry.

Man(6): My guy's having a little bit of trouble hearing you.

LPC: Oh, that's okay.

LPC: If I get some bread sticks, about eight liters of salad.

LPC: He said he goes by weight, so I'd like to get about eight liters of salad.

LPC: A garden salad.

LPC: Some breads.

LPC: I see need by eight.

LPC: Okay.

LPC: And then about two liters of spread.

Man(6): Do you have like an echo going on?

Man(6): I can't really understand you very well.

LPC: Is that like a promotion?

Man(6): Eight liters of salad?

LPC: Yes, I did.

LPC: And you have a promotion?

LPC: Yeah.

LPC: What's that about?

SPEAKER_01: Our salads are prepackaged.

LPC: You got a promotion or something?

LPC: You got a special promotion up?

LPC: And you have a promotion?

LPC: motion, you said? What's that about? What's the special? What's all the special? Oh, okay,

LPC: Oh, okay, I see what you’re sayin’. So about— How weigh—? How heavy is the salad, ya know? ‘Cause he said he likes—

LPC: to go by weight, not by quantity. I know you guys are particular about that. So I want to comply with you there, okay. Okay, okay, okay, okay. And then on the sprit, how are we doing on the

LPC: Sprite? You got those poured out? You got those poured out? Okay, okay, that's fine. Okay, and then on the Sprite, how are we doing on the

LPC: Okay. [laughs] I love you guys! Thank you so much! You guys frickin’ rule!

LPC: Have a awesome night! Thank you! Thank you!

LPC: Thank you.