Man: Microwave oven.

Man: A 46-inch Sony big screen television set.

Man: And finally, a $2,000 cashier's check made out to you.

LPC: Oh, wow.

Man: Now, Mike, knowing that one of those five awards is definitely yours.

Man: I'd like to say congratulations again.

Man: How does all that sound for a lot of great news today?

LPC: Well, that sounds fantastic, sir.

Man: All right, fantastic.

Man: Now, like any other promotion, there are only two things we would like to see you do for us while you're in the process of claiming your award.

Man: claiming your award. One is, if you've received the award, take a picture of yourself with it, send that back to us so we can use it for promotional purposes.

LPC: Okay.

Man: Now, in approximately sixty days, the company will be calling you back with shipping instructions on one of those five fabulous awards.

LPC: Oh, wow.

Man: Now, second, like any other promotion, we ask that you become a first-time customer of ours by trying one of our health and energy products.

Man: What we're using is a tested and proven vitamin and mineral program called Universal.

Man: called Universe of Life. Now, Mike, do you currently take vitamins? Yes.

Man: Okay, fantastic. Mike, these are the finest vitamins on the American market today.

Man: Of course, that is my opinion. I do take them as well as my wife and children. Okay, it's five tables

Man: today. They supply most of your data requirements from A to zinc. Now, these are non-allergenic,

Man: and they are derived from all natural products. It also has what's called a special

Man: sustained time release formula. Now, that ensures the maximum benefit throughout the day.

Man: Now, we have these boxed up in a 12-month supply. During the promotion, Mike, you're receiving that vitamin program for exactly $6998.

Man: In the same package is going to be your major award certificate that officially guarantees one of the five major awards.

Man: Now, Mike, have you ever won a major award?

LPC: Yeah.

Man: Okay, fantastic.

LPC: I won the lottery here.

Man: Really?

LPC: Yeah.

Man: Fabulous. Well, Mike, your good fortune is continuing.

Man: And I'll tell you what, if you get that Cadillac, Couturentville, you better send me a powder of Champagne.

LPC: Okay.

Man: Okay, now, it won't be a problem getting a picture of you or a loved one with the award, correct?

LPC: Uh, there is something standing in my way.

Man: Okay... uh... what would be the best time of day for us to deliver?

LPC: Umm... uh, could you talk to the Parochial Nimrod?

Man: What's that?

LPC: Huh?

Man: What are you talking about, Mike?

LPC: Well, that's the thing that's standing in my way. I--

Man: What's standing in your way?

LPC: Parochial Nimrod.

Man: What's that?

LPC: I'm... I'm... I'm afraid I don't know how to handle it.

Man: You don't know how to handle what?

LPC: The Parochial Nimrod.

Man: Mike, I... what... what are you talkin' about?

LPC: What... what... how to handle this from here on.

Man: You don't know how to handle what? The award?

SPEAKER_01: Yeah.

LPC: Yeah.

Man: What do you mean?

LPC: Well... the... the... Nimbostratus Brick...

Man: Okay, Mike, what I need is the expiration date on the visa.

LPC: Go-click it.

Man: Pardon me, Mike?

LPC: Um, Zach it.

Man: What is the expiration date on your visa?

LPC: Um, 10, 92.

Man: 10 of 92?

Man: Okay, now what I need, there's some, what's going on over there?

Man: I keep hearing, seems like you're fading out or something.

SPEAKER_01: out or something?

LPC: It's that Nimrod.

Man: Your Nimrod?

LPC: Yeah.

Man: Okay, what I need is the long number that begins with the four.

Man: Read that to me slowly.

Man: I need the long number that begins with a four, Mike.

SPEAKER_01: Hello?

SPEAKER_01: Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: Okay, what I need is a long number that begins with the four, Mike?

LPC: Hello?

Man: Yeah.

Man: Okay, what I need is a long number that begins with the four.

Man: What is going on over there?

LPC: It's the parochial ramrod.

Man: The parochial ramrod?

Man: What are you doing?

LPC: Well, I'm trying to tell you, sir, that that's going to pose a problem.

Man: That's the only problem, is your Parochial Rimrod?

LPC: Yeah.

Man: Are you taking medication, Mike?

LPC: Hmm.

LPC: Uhh... am I st... am I still eligible to be a recipient of these fine awards?

Man: Yes, what I need is the long number that begins with a four.

Man: Long number that begins with a four.

Man: Long number that begins with the four.

Man: What I need is the long number that begins with a four, Mike.

LPC: Hello?

Man: Mike... Mike, where is your Parochial Rimrod? Where is that?

LPC: Um.

LPC: I think I might have told you the wrong thing.

LPC: It's, um, I think it's a rhinoceros dick rod.

Man: A Rhinoceros Dickrod.

Man: Mike, did you take your medication today?

Man: Mike, what I need, go... go grab your Visa...

Man: What I need is the long number that begins with the four.

Man: Mike?

LPC: Hello?

Man: Hello Mike?

LPC: Yeah.

Man: Okay.

Man: Grab your visa.

Man: Do you understand what's going on?

LPC: Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: Okay.

SPEAKER_01: Go grab your visa.

Man: Okay.

Man: Go grab your visa.

LPC: I've got it.

Man: Okay.

Man: Read me the long number that begins with the four.

LPC: Uh, 287, 483.

LPC: Three, seven.

SPEAKER_01: Four.

Frank: Look, Mike.

Frank: Hello.

Frank: Mike?

Frank: is Frank Mank of the promotional director.

Frank: If you are not interested in taking part in this promotion, simply tell us you're not

Frank: interested.

Frank: This is a long-distance call that we are paying for.

LPC: Oh, I'm very interested, sir.

Frank: Or you're not interested.

Frank: If you are interested, what we are going to need to finish up the paperwork

Frank: would be the account number beginning with the four on the visa.

Frank: Do you have that information handy?

LPC: Yes, I do, sir.

Frank: Okay, but what we're going to need is the long number that the issue is.

LPC: Okay.

Frank: Alright, do you have that there?

LPC: Yeah.

Frank: Okay, Mike, you have some kind of noise interference.

Frank: Again, I can't tell you what it is.

LPC: No, I don't.

Frank: You don't know what?

LPC: I don't have it.

Frank: You don't have what?

LPC: I don't have any interference.

Frank: Okay.

Frank: Now you got the number because of the four.

LPC: Yes.

Frank: All right. Read that and be slower.

LPC: Okay.

LPC: Alright.

Frank: Okay.

LPC: Okay.

LPC: Betcha.

Frank: All right, now read the number.

Frank: Because of the four.

LPC: You bet.

LPC: Not a problem.

Frank: Read the number, Mike.

LPC: I can accommodate you there, sir.

Frank: Okay, well, Mike, again, if you're not interested, simply say you're not interested. [indiscernible]

LPC: I'm very interested, sir.

LPC: I'd have to be crazy to turn down these wonderful prizes.

Frank: Well, again, Mike, again, we do not appreciate the ridicule.

Frank: If you're not interested, just forget the sarcasm.

Frank: All you got to do is simply say I'm not interested.

Frank: If you are interested, then this is what we're going to need.

SPEAKER_01: what we're going to need?

LPC: What?

LPC: Do I have to provide a gridicular butt rod?

Frank: If the bill was going on your number, then again, I think you would be a little more serious with me.

LPC: Well, I need a gridicular giraffe rod.

Frank: Mike, do you have any idea what's going on here?

Frank: Do you have any idea of what we're explaining to you?

LPC: Um, you mentioned something about a Gary Coleman Nimrod.

Frank: Mike, Mike, are you under any kind of medication?

SPEAKER_01: any kind of medication?

LPC: Huh?

Frank: Have you taken any medication today?

Frank: If you're under some form of... of medication, I can't get back in touch with ya.

LPC: Can?

LPC: I can.

Frank: I can.

Frank: I'm not going to, you know, I don't want you to go into a seizure or anything,

Frank: if you need to take any medication right now.

LPC: Um.

Frank: What I can do is I can give ya a call back, some time when you're a little more sedated.

LPC: Oh, I'm perfectly fine.

Frank: Okay, well, again, then again, we go over just round and around.

Frank: All I'm going to need, if you want, if you want, if you want, if you want,

Frank: are interested if the number that begins with the form.

LPC: Okay.

Frank: Now reading the number, this is the last time I'm going to ask you, Mike.

Frank: If you're not interested, come you're not interested, if you're not interested,

Frank: if you're interested right now, leave me the number to get you with the form.

LPC: Okay.

LPC: Um, it's in, it's in my saxophone. I'm going to have to dig it out.

Frank: Mike, again, I mean, you can joke all your life, all right?

Frank: Okay?

LPC: Okay?

LPC: What?

Frank: You can joke all you want to joke.

Frank: Again, that's completely up to you.

Frank: it's not my award. If you don't want it, they'll simply give you to someone else in your area.

LPC: Well, my... it's... the card's in my saxophone.

Frank: Uh-huh.

Frank: Well, Mike, do you have any clue how ridiculous you sound?

LPC: Well, I don't think that's very nice.

Frank: Well, again, Mike, I mean, you're two seconds ago, you can hand the car and now you don't have the car.

LPC: I dropped it.

Frank: Oh, alright, Mike.

Frank: Well, listen, I'm going to be honest with you.

Frank: If you're going to have any clue to what you're talking about or any idea what we're doing here today,

Frank: here today. I know you would have participated.

LPC: Well, I'm trying to be a participant.

Frank: Well, no, no, no, Mike, you're not trying to.

Frank: All right, if you're all interested, then simply breathing the number beginning with the form.

Frank: This is the way we built the account for the amount of the charge.

LPC: I dropped it in my xylophone.

Frank: Oh, all right. Well, Mike, what I suggest you do is see yourself some medical health.

Frank: Okay?

LPC: What's the problem?

Frank: Okay, well, again, I don't have free to get it, but you're not interested, that simply policy...

LPC: I don't think that's very friendly.

Frank: Okay.

Frank: I'm telling you, Mike, you're hysterical, you know, I love to sit here and waste my valuable time on you, but unfortunately I have a board meeting to go to.

Frank: I do want you know that you are turning the war down.

LPC: No, I'm not.

Frank: Well, Mike, again, unless you're going to cooperate with me here, and give me the information I need in order to fill out the paperwork, I am going to have to let you go.

LPC: How about if I perform, uh... taekwondo on you?

Frank: Well, again, Mike, if those would you'd like to do, feel free, okay?

Frank: If you can perform your taekwondo over the phone,

Frank: and I'll never want to see there.

Frank: Alright?

Lee: You guys, shut the fuck off, chico, man.