Man (1): Hello?

LPC: Yeah, what do you want, Mr.

Man (1): Who's this?

LPC: Phone, Dirk Funk.

Man (1): What?

LPC: Dirk Funk.

SPEAKER_00: Who is it?

SPEAKER_00: Who is this?

LPC: The bring her pain to your face.

SPEAKER_00: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

SPEAKER_00: Who is it?

LPC: Hey, listen. I ain't jokin', dickface. [exhale]

SPEAKER_00: I'm a dick face.

SPEAKER_00: Hey, what's your problem, dude?

Steve (2): Hey, what's your problem, dude?

LPC: Yeah, my foot, rather my cleat.

SPEAKER_00: It's got a different problem with your lip.

Steve (2): Who is this?

LPC: Dirt.

SPEAKER_00: You know that there?

LPC: Hey, put that lady on, mister.

Steve (2): Hey, fuck you.

LPC: Get her on the phone, mister.

Steve (2): You're gonna tell me, you fucking shit.

LPC: And my fist is gonna be telling you,

LPC: a world of pain, mister.

LPC: Hey, mister... [exhale] You know who you're talking to here?

Steve (2): I don't think you know who the fuck you're talking to, do you?

SPEAKER_00: You're talking to, do you?

LPC: I'm talking to Dirk Funk, mister.

SPEAKER_00: Oh.

LPC: Your lip's gonna be in a definite funk after I'm done whippin' on it. [exhale]

Steve (2): Whoooa! Man, you're one bad motherfucker on the phone, ain't ya?

LPC: No, I'm gonna be one motherfucker.

LPC: Bad motherfucker wanna hit you with a phone in the face.

LPC: How's that sound?

Steve (2): Oh, you want to get your fucking ass down here, asshole?

LPC: 'Cause I don't wanna beat up no children.

Steve (2): Put your fuckin' shit where it's at, asshole!

Tom: I've heard the word fuck.

Steve (2): You want to play this fucking dance, bitch.

LPC: I'm gonna hit you with a tennis racket... in the lip.

SPEAKER_00: You're gonna hit you, man.

Steve (2): Fuck you.

LPC: Look, mister.

Steve (2): You think you're fuckin' bad, come on down, bitch!

LPC: I ain't got time to waste nobody than that.

Steve (2): You ain't got fucking time, but you got time to talk to shit over the phone.

Steve (2): We'll bring your fucking ass down here.

LPC: Now bring my fists.

Steve (2): You're fucking ass, you old prick.

LPC: I'll bring my cleats.

Steve (2): Come on, bitch.

SPEAKER_00: Hey, mister.

SPEAKER_00: You want to play?

Steve (2): Let's fucking play.

LPC: I'm not playing.

LPC: My cleats don't do no playing...

LPC: My cleats do no plan.

LPC: playing on a soccer field.

Steve (2): Come on down, motherfucker.

Steve (2): Come on, man.

LPC: Yeah, I'll be coming down.

LPC: I'll be...

Steve (2): You're a fucking bad on the phone.

Steve (2): Let's see how bad you are when you

Steve (2): when you get here, you're a fucking asshole.

LPC: Hey, listen to me, man.

LPC: I'll come down.

SPEAKER_00: I'll be coming down.

Steve (2): I'll be fucking listen to shit to you, man.

LPC: I'm going to be the only one leaving if I come down,

LPC: because you're going to be laying off to throw grass.

Steve (2): Oh, you ain't going to be fucking leaving, bitch,

Steve (2): except in a fucking ambulance.

SPEAKER_00: Hey, man.

Charlie (4): This is Charlie Keaton with the whippet puppy.