Woman: Hello?

LPC: Yeah, could I talk to your husband?

Woman: Who is this, please?

LPC: Th... this is Bernard.

Woman: Bernard. And what's this regarding?

LPC: Uh, I think he just spoke to my boy.

LPC: A few minutes ago, you need to talk.

Woman: No, what is this regarding?

LPC: I think he just spoke to my son on the phone a few middle school ma'am.

Woman: If he's talking about a C-Fuel package, COD, it doesn't belong to us.

SPEAKER_00: Well, I think...

Woman: And he wasn't rude to your son because I was laying on the couch listening to him.

Woman: He just said, bring it on by, and he would look at it.

Woman: We're not coming out.

Woman: of our home for something that's not coming to us.

LPC: I think you guys need to reevaluate or your...

Woman: I think that I will call the police if you continue to harass me because I don't understand why you're bothering me.

Woman: You've done nothing.

SPEAKER_00: It's a COD $842.

Woman: I don't have a COD coming to me, sir, for nothing.

Woman: Your son told me $25, so I don't know what he said...

LPC: It's a 9,600-gallon tank of squid.

Woman: You did not order a 9600 gallon of squid, thank you.

Woman: Have enough way.

Man (2): Yeah.

LPC: Yeah, this is Bernard over a United Parcel.

LPC: What's here to be the trouble here?

Man (2): United Parcel?

LPC: Yeah.

Man (2): Yeah, fuck you. Drop dead.

LPC: I think that you need to re-evaluate you guys' position.

Man (2): I think you need to come over here so I can kick your ass.

SPEAKER_00: This is a $920 COD delivery.

Man (2): Good. You bring it on over here.

LPC: Oh, we'll be there in 10 to 15 minutes.

Man (2): That's a good idea. You bring it on over here and I'll have the cops here to meet you.

LPC: We need certified funds today. As well.

Man (2): You bring it.

Woman: Hello?

LPC: This is Curtis at UPS calling.

Woman: Okay, look, you know, we're having a car with you guys.

Woman: And I'm not with me.

Woman: With somebody from UPS. I didn't order anything.

Woman: You got the wrong number.

LPC: Mmm... no, it's got yesterday's date on it.

Woman: I didn't order anything from UPS.

SPEAKER_00: Well, we're on our way, and it's 227, 227 is due on the shipment.

Woman: No, I did not order it.

Woman: and I'm going to have, if you don't give me a number or your last name or who you work for,

Woman: I'm calling the police and having a report filed.

Woman: I went through this before with you people.

Woman: I'm not playing this game the second time.

LPC: [sighs] I do have... I do see a flag here on your account, meaning that, uh, you have been problematic. I...

Woman: Gimme your name.

LPC: Well, I don't...

Woman: Gimme your last name, Curtis.

Woman: Give me a last name.

Woman: Don't make me call the police and have this phone traced.

Woman: I will put a tap on it.

Woman: I played this game.

Woman: once before. I am not in the mood for it today.

LPC: Lady, come and get me. Wh--

Woman: Listen to me, sir. Gimme your fuckin' last name.

LPC: Nayla.

Woman: Gimme your phone number.

LPC: It's 1-800 pickups. You've probably seen it a thousand times.

Woman: Right. Bullshit. You know why? Because I call that number and it's not real.

Woman: It's not real number.

SPEAKER_00: One 800 PIC UPS. 1-800.

Woman: No, I've called that.

Woman: I've called that.

Woman: I don't believe you.

SPEAKER_00: 25.

Woman: Say it again?

SPEAKER_00: 877.

Woman: Gimme the number again.

LPC: I've already stated it.

Woman: I couldn't hear you.

LPC: We're on our way.

LPC: We need about 20 minutes, but we need a check for 2.27.

Woman: Not going to get it.

LPC: Prepared.

Woman: Not going to get it.

LPC: Okay.

Woman: Not going to get it.

Woman: I don't believe you.

Woman: I did not order anything.

Woman: You were calling the wrong house.

Woman: You're calling the wrong number.

Woman: It's a different house, different number.

Woman: If you call me again or if you come by my home, I will have the police arrive.

LPC: We'll be there in fifteen minutes.

Woman: Fine.

Woman: I'll have the police here waiting for you.

LPC: We'll have a 416-pound squid as in a tank.

Woman: I've already.

Woman: Everybody dealt with the squid shit before with you, people, do not start it again.

Woman: I will call the police and have this done.

Woman: I will have this done.

Woman: I don't care if you gave me a false name.

Woman: I will use it.

Woman: I'll have them tap my phone.

Woman: I'm not in the moose of this game.

Woman: Okay, I have too much going on in my life to fucking play games.

Woman: Don't be playing this game again.

Woman: Do not call this number again.

Woman: Hello?

LPC: Uh, ma'am, that's, yeah, that's it.

LPC: We've got flags on your account now.

Woman: Do not call this number again!

Woman: We're signifying you as a problem.

LPC: We're signifying you as a problem.

LPC: customer.

Woman: Do not call this account again.

Man (2): Yeah?

LPC: Yes, this is Bernard.

LPC: Yep.

LPC: Okay, you have been flagged as problematic.

Man (2): I'm fucking dead.

Man (2): Why don't you come over here and talk to me?

LPC: We'll be there in 15 minutes.

Man (2): I'm waitin' for you, cocksucker!