Album cover for Longmont Potion Castle 5
Longmont Potion Castle 5 · 2005

Chinese Bowling Balls

Track 13

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  • Woman: Oh.
  • LPC: Hello.
  • Woman: Hello.
  • LPC: Yeah, this is Bryce at...
  • Woman: What did you say?
  • LPC: This is Bryce at United Parcel Service.
  • Woman: Yes.
  • LPC: Y'all apparently ordered some, uh, bowling balls here. Chinese bowling balls. And, uh...
  • Woman: Um, I think you have the wrong number.
  • LPC: There's...
  • LPC: Postage due and I need us to pick up a check and drop them off.
  • Woman: I think you have the wrong number.
  • LPC: No.
  • Woman: I didn't order any bowling balls from China.
  • LPC: No, they didn't pay enough freight, so you...
  • LPC: freight, so your balance is $238, ma'am.
  • Woman: Okay, you talk to my husband.
  • Woman: He's time you owe $275.
  • Man: Hello.
  • LPC: Hello, this is Bryce over at UPS.
  • Man: Yes.
  • LPC: Uh, apparently, y'all ordered some, uh... Chinese bowling balls...
  • LPC: ...but there was no freight paid on it.
  • Man: Oh, that's too bad.
  • LPC: Is it?
  • Man: Yeah.
  • LPC: Okay, well...
  • LPC: Wait a minute.
  • Man: Let me talk for a minute.
  • Man: We've never ordered anything from China.
  • Man: The last thing in the world would be
  • Man: bowling balls. So you know what you can do with those bowling balls?
  • LPC: No.
  • Man: Well, I... I won't tell you over the telephone.
  • LPC: How 'bout I come down there and tell you what you can do with 'em?
  • Man: You can bring those bowling balls down here, and I'll have to please
  • Man: ready for you when you get here.
  • LPC: Sir, your balance is $382.
  • Man: I don't give a shit what it is.
  • Man: We didn't order them.
  • Man: Do with them what you will!
  • Man: Hello?
  • LPC: Yeah, my name is Walter.
  • LPC: I'm an administer.
  • LPC: up here, UPS.
  • LPC: What appears to be the problem here tonight, sir?
  • Man: You have to be kidding.
  • Man: Now look, use your good common sense.
  • Man: We're standing here playing pool and you think we ordered seven bowling balls from China.
  • Man: I told the other guy what he could do with the bowling balls.
  • LPC: And what was that?
  • Man: Now don't call back.