Album cover for Longmont Potion Castle 4
Longmont Potion Castle 4 · 2001

Accidental Death Insurance

Track 52

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  • Robert: My name is Robert Lewis, and I'm calling today because your Capital One credit card company
  • Robert: would like to show their appreciation to you as a valued member and send you a three-month review period of up to $1 million of accidental death insurance at no cost to you.
  • Robert: And, sir, this is just their way of saying thank you and to introduce you to the coverage.
  • LPC: What... what, I'm in danger?
  • Robert: No, this is just accidental death insurance, sir.
  • LPC: Sounds good.
  • Robert: And also, just before the three-month period is over, they will send you a way of
  • Robert: reminder asking you if you would like to continue with it or not, and if you choose to continue
  • Robert: with it, the premium is only $7.95 a month, and this will never increase at any time.
  • LPC: With the $1 million, one-time charge?
  • Robert: Huh?
  • Robert: Huh, sir?
  • Robert: Hello?
  • LPC: Is that what you're saying?
  • Robert: Huh.
  • Robert: The $1 million?
  • LPC: Yeah.
  • Robert: Yes.
  • Robert: That's $1 million for accidents?
  • LPC: A month, or?
  • Robert: Yeah, a month.
  • Robert: $7.95 a month.
  • LPC: Okay.
  • Robert: And this will never increase.
  • Robert: And if you choose not to continue.
  • Robert: with it, there is a 1-800 number that you can call it any time to cancel, and you'll
  • Robert: know nothing for the plan.
  • Robert: Okay, okay.
  • Robert: And your middle initial is V, sir?
  • LPC: Yep.
  • Robert: Oh, hold on.
  • LPC: Wait a minute.
  • Robert: Hmm?
  • LPC: Uh, so unless I die, it's not...
  • Robert: You don't really have to die just to get it, sir.
  • LPC: I don't wanna... you know.
  • Robert: Oh, you... there's a dismemberment clause in there, too.
  • Robert: What?
  • Robert: Like if you lose eyesight or something, or if you lose a limb?
  • LPC: Wait, are you telling me I'm in some kind of danger here, partner?
  • Robert: No, sir, it's just accidental death insurance.
  • Robert: It's something you can review in your own home while being covered for it also for three, four months.
  • LPC: I'll tell you who's gonna be dismembered.
  • Robert: Who?
  • LPC: But I'll think you're gonna like it.
  • Robert: Okay, sir.
  • LPC: No, I don't... I don't wish to get the coverage.
  • LPC: But if I'm dismembered, I'll give you a holler.
  • Robert: Okay, thanks.
  • LPC: Thanks.