Arthur: Hello?

Woman(1): Hi, what is the postal code?

Arthur: Hello?

Woman(1): What is the postal code to, um, where you’re trying to ship this item to?

Arthur: Hello?

Woman(1): Whoever I was talking to before wanted to ship bananas to Switzerland,

Woman(1): and I need to know the postal code of where.

Woman(1): where in Switzerland it's going.

LPC: Hey, hello?

LPC: Sorry about that.

LPC: My phone is super messed up.

LPC: Hey, Arthur.

LPC: Hello, Arthur.

Arthur: Yep.

LPC: Hey, it's Vito.

LPC: What are you doing?

Arthur: Uh, paperwork.

LPC: Oh, yeah.

LPC: Hold on one second.

LPC: Hey, sorry about that.

LPC: Hey, where can I get a newspaper around here?

LPC: I'm new to the area here.

Arthur: Public.

LPC: Okay, where are they located?

LPC: Here, hold on one sec.

LPC: Sorry about it.

LPC: Are they within walking distance, or?

SPEAKER_04: Where are you?

LPC: I think I live right in the same street as you.

LPC: That's what my friend said.

LPC: Where's public, anyhow?

Arthur: They’re all over.

Arthur: Well what street are you on now?

LPC: Excuse me.

LPC: Hey, maybe I could borrow your newspaper for a while.

LPC: I'll give it back.

Arthur: I'll have a newspaper.

LPC: Okay, so then you can give me a ride maybe in the next hour or two, or…? [sfx]

Arthur: I’m not even home.

LPC: Oh, okay.

Arthur: I don't have a car.

LPC: I don't have a car.

LPC: I have a bicycle.

Arthur: Ride your bike. They’re all over the place.

LPC: I'd be happy, too.

LPC: I don't know where the heck they're located.

LPC: I don't know everything there is to know.

LPC: I'm new here.

Arthur: Well, I don't know what I'm to tell you.

LPC: Here, my brother's here.

LPC: He can maybe give you some more information.

LPC: I don't even know this intersection where I am here.

LPC: Just talk to Joe.

LPC: My brother is Joe.

LPC: Here.

LPC: Hey, uh, Joe, he's on the phone right here.

LPC: our neighbor.

Joe: Hello?

Arthur: Yeah.

Joe: Hello.

Arthur: I’m here!

SPEAKER_06: Who's this?

Joe: Who is this?

SPEAKER_06: Who's this?

Joe: Who is it?

Arthur: Oh, my God.

Arthur: Are you a fucking asshole?

Joe: Can you tell me your name—what that is—who it is?

Arthur: No.

Arthur: Fuck off.

Joe: Get off my phone.

Joe: You're a piece of shit.

Joe: You're going to be in jail tonight, you motherfucker.

Joe: You're a piece of shit, shit, shit.

Joe: You're going to drop that tonight, tonight, you motherfucker.

Man(1): Hello?

LPC: Hello, this is Jarvis, Colin.

LPC: I just moved in around the corner here.

LPC: How you doing there?

Man(1): You just moved in around the corner here?

LPC: Yeah.

LPC: Yeah, I got your number from Crazy Face.

LPC: On the other side of the street.

LPC: That's what we all call him.

LPC: Crazy.

LPC: Yeah.

Man(1): Uh, no, I don’t know who you are.

SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah.

LPC: I just live two houses down.

LPC: My name's Jarvis Buzzer.

LPC: And I got your number from Crazy Face down the street.

LPC: You said, give him a call.

LPC: He's a nice guy.

LPC: I'm just saying, hey, how are you doing up there?

Man(1): Yeah, I'm doing okay.

Man(1): Gee, I don't know who you are.

LPC: Oh, I'm real new.

LPC: I'm brand spanking new up here.

Man(1): Oh, in Colorado, huh?

LPC: Uh-huh.

LPC: I got a new phone.

LPC: house and I got all this new buck.

LPC: I just wanted to show it off a little bit.

LPC: I'm going to just pop by your place and just tell me what you think.

LPC: You into New Buck at all or?

Man(1): What is “newbook”?

LPC: Oh, it's kind of like swayed, but oh, it's so much better.

LPC: It's tougher.

LPC: And it's real sharp, real flipping shape.

LPC: What do you think?

LPC: And, ah, Crazy Face gave me your number.

Man(1): Crazy Face.

Woman(2): I don’t know a “Crazy Face”!

Man(1): I don’t know a “Crazy Face”

SPEAKER_02: know a crazy face.

LPC: Ralfred is his real name.

Man(1): Ralph.

Man(1): Ralfred.

Man(1): Who's Relfred?

Woman(2): Glenn.

Woman(2): His last name was Alfred.

SPEAKER_02: Oh, Glenn.

Man(1): Glenn.

Man(1): Glenn, Glenn.

Man(1): Oh, they live next door to me.

LPC: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

LPC: He said to give you a call, you're real nice guy and just say hi and tell you about my new book.

Man(1): Okay.

LPC: Do you mind if I put him on the phone?

LPC: Crazy.

LPC: face here and just say, hey, hey, hold on a second. Hey, pick up.

Joe: Hello.

Man(1): Hello! Glen?

SPEAKER_06: Yes.

Man(1): How you doin’, guy?

Joe: Again, you’re the same guy that called me today?

Man(1): I didn't call you today, did I?

Joe: Why are you calling me?

Joe: Can you tell me why you're calling me?

Man(1): I didn't call you.

Joe: Who are you?

Man(1): I don't know.

Man(1): Who are you?

Joe: You're for a shit. You're a piece of shit.

Joe: Aren't you, aren't you worried about it?

Joe: God is going to put you to death because you're bothering me.

Joe: Don't you think so, you're a son of a bitch?

Joe: No, no, no, no.

Man(1): Don't call back.

Man(1): I don't know who you are.

Man(1): Somebody's yelling and cussing.

Bob: Hello.

LPC: Hey, Bob.

LPC: This is Slum.

LPC: phone Babcock calling.

Bob: Hi.

LPC: Hey, just real quick, I wanted to take a moment on our four sacred directions with you, about seven o'clock tonight.

LPC: Upward, downward, left, rightward, at the fairgrounds.

LPC: So can you participate in that tonight? That'd be wonderful.

Bob: Wow, man! This is tripped out!

LPC: You know, just to honor the elders.

Bob: I don’t have any idea who this is.

SPEAKER_04: you know who this is.

LPC: I’m an old Raccoon Hunter.

LPC: Right.

Bob: Right.

LPC: So, yeah.

LPC: But, it’s at the fairground.

Bob: Which fairground?

LPC: It mainly consists of braiding hair and pounding on the ground.

LPC: Oh, yeah.

LPC: Yeah.

None: Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

LPC: Hey, Bob, I just wanted to take a moment and honor our four sacred directions with ye.

LPC: Upward, downward, leftward, rightward.

Bob: Absolutely.

LPC: This takes about 45 minutes of your time.

LPC: I'm here tonight.

Bob: I’m totally in, man!

LPC: I know one young elder who has some Bolivian nasal spray.

LPC: It’s outstanding stuff!

None: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Bob: Wow.

Bob: Sounds like some fresh fish flake.

LPC: There’s some Special Atmospherics out there.

Bob: Yeah.

LPC: We could send an Uber by.

LPC: Does that work?

Man(2): Hello.

Bob: Ah, ah, can I just drive myself?

Man(2): Sure.

Bob: Alright, well shoot me an address.

Man(2): Wh—what are you calling for?

Bob: Exactly.

Eddie: Hello?

LPC: Is Eddie there?

Eddie: Who is it?

LPC: Yeah, this is Merlin Mumford.

Eddie: What can I do for ya?

LPC: I'm just calling everybody in the neighborhood today.

LPC: We wanted to take a moment this evening to honor our four sacred directions with you,

LPC: upward, downward, leftward, and rightward.

Eddie: What’re you talkin’ about?

LPC: Well, we send an Uber vehicle by about 7 p.m. tonight.

LPC: And it takes about 30, 45 minutes of your time.

LPC: time is all.

Eddie: I'm going to forego that tonight.

Eddie: I have previous plans.

Eddie: So, thank you so much, Merlin.

LPC: Well, if you don't want to participate, we just ask for a $75

LPC: donation to cover the other Ubers that we'll be sending?

Eddie: O—only because I’m not really sure who you are—

LPC: Uh-huh.

Eddie: And if this is legitimate, and I don't even know you, Merle, be quite honest.

Eddie: And you're asking me to jump in an Uber and go somewhere.

Eddie: And then when I decided not to do there, you want to try to request some kind of a remittance.

Eddie: Well, uh, I'm a little uncomfortable with all this, Merlin, so I'm just going to hang up on you, okay?

LPC: I'm sorry. Well, I'm Merlin Mumford. I'm an old raccoon hunter.

LPC: Raccoon Hunter. I think we just got off on the wrong foot; I apologize about that.

Eddie: I just have to—a—I just have to say, ah—

LPC: Sure.

Eddie: Did I not make myself clear?

LPC: Go ahead.

Eddie: My question was, did I not make myself clear?

Eddie: Well, okay, I'm going to block you now.

LPC: This event is very important to the community tonight, that’s all!

LPC: Okay. I'm going to let you go now.

Eddie: Listen. I'm going to let me talk. No, you listen, look.

Eddie: Look, you know, you sound fairly threatening to me, and I'm not threatening.

Eddie: Yeah, well, I'm the one that makes that decision.

Eddie: I feel threatened by you. So stop calling me, okay?

LPC: Can I just tell you what we do?

Eddie: No, no, you can't.

LPC: Hey, I'm an old raccoon hunter. Okay? That's who I am.

LPC: And tonight, we're going to braid hair and pound on the ground. That's what we're going to do.

Eddie: Great! We—good! God bless you! Bye-bye!

LPC: So get involved, guy. We'll pick you up about 7.30.

LPC: Or make a donation at your call.

Eddie: You're being recorded. I just want to let you.

Eddie: know you're being recorded. Just stay on the line. I was all I need you to do is stay on the line.

LPC: Okay. My name is, my name is Merlin Mumford, and my phone number is a 97901-80. That's not the

Eddie: That’s not the number that, ah, that I just received. But just keep talking! I just need you to keep talking.

LPC: You're going to tattle or what?

Eddie: Probably dispatch this. Let's see. How can I help you? Yes. I'm getting phone calls from some

Eddie: spurious individual. I don't know who you is.

Eddie: is, but calls himself Merlin. And he says he's a neighbor, but I'm not sure exactly who he is, but

Eddie: it seemed a little odd. So I have no idea why his phone went to you.

Eddie: What is he saying? Well, first he wanted to know if I want to take an Uber drive someplace, you know,

Eddie: to venerate some another. And then when I told him I had other plant, he's soliciting me for a $75 donation.

Eddie: You know, I don't know who this guy is. Okay? Okay. Yeah. I mean, you.

Lindsay: You can just block the number.

Eddie: Okay, I’ll block the number! Thank you so much! I’m sorry to—

Eddie: I—I—I have no idea why it went to you, but, ah—

SPEAKER_05: No, that's okay.

Eddie: I’m so glad it did because that guy was badgerin’ me. Like, I don’t know who he was.

Lindsay: Yeah, I would just block the number. It sounds like a scam.

Eddie: Okay. Thank you so much. God bless you.

Eddie: Bye-bye.

SPEAKER_00: No, but me too.

Woman(3): Hello. Lahina Police Station

Eddie: What?

Woman(3): You contacted the Lahina, Maui police station.

Eddie: Yeah, well, I’m nowhere near Maui police station. I don’t know how this happened, but, uh, no, I’m n—I’m—I’m nowhere near Maui, so, I mean… I’m gonna hang up now, ‘kay?

Eddie: Bye-bye.