Longmont Potion Castle 19 · 2022

Porcupine

Track 10

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Woman(1): —I have the copy Porcupine someone was looking for.
Woman(2): “Porcupine”? Hang on one second. I don’t think it was me, so one sec.
Woman(1): You fuckin’ put me on hold when you’re at work.
Man(1): You want the porcupine, correct?
Man(2): Hello?
Man(1): Hello?
Man(1): Hi. Hi.
Man(2): You’re calling about Frankenstein?
Man(1): Oh! Okay. Did you just call me couple minutes ago?—
Man(2): No.
Man(1): No. You're calling about Frankenstein?
Man(2): No.
Man(2): You're calling about Frankenstein?
Man(1): Alright, Frankenstein, you want. Yes, sir. How can I help you?
Man(2): Um, someone called me.
Man(1): I did not call you. I just opened up the phone to talk to you, and you are there.
Man(1): That's strange.
Man(1): We are a bookshop, and we do have copies of Frankenstein.
Woman(3): Hello?
Man(3): Yes.
Woman(3): Hi, we did not have porcupine.
Man(3): I thought it was pork pie.
Woman(3): I don't know. You told me porcupine. It's pork pie?
Man(3): Okay. Did you already speak to someone here?
Woman(3): I’ve been speaking to you.
Man(3): Okay, ‘cause I—I was wondering if you might’ve called Brian earlier and he might’ve told you something different—
Woman(3): —I don’t know who Brian is, sorry—
Man(3): —Okay. So, what is the name of the book that you’re looking for, again?
Woman(3): You told me porcupine.
Man(3): Right, but, I’m asking you what is the book that you are looking for.
Woman(3): You told me to look for a porcupine book.
Woman(3): in the children's section.
Man(3): I thought it was pork pie.
Man(3): So you're looking for porcupine books in general?
Man(3): We don't have a children's section to start with.
Woman(3): Hi, I am a bookstore.
Woman(3): I looked in our kids' section.
Woman(3): We did not have a book called Porcupine.
Man(3): Okay.
Man(3): So you were looking for that book?
Woman(3): Yeah.
Woman(3): You asked me to.
Man(3): Oh, I see.
Man(3): So you're coming back and let me know that.
Woman(3): I didn't call.
Woman(3): I just put you on hold to look on the shelves.
Man(3): Okay.
Man(3): All right.
Man(3): So, uh...
Woman(3): Okay.
Woman(4): I'm not showing that particular title.
Woman(4): If you have an author's name, that would be very helpful, but just the title,
Woman(4): Concubine, nothing is coming up.
Woman(5): Concubine?
Woman(5): I thought you were saying Porcupine.
Woman(5): There's the issue.
Woman(4): What's the, is it Concubine or Porcupine?
Woman(4): What's the title?
Woman(5): Of which book?
Woman(5): I'm sorry, I'm not following.
Woman(4): Okay.
Woman(4): So I didn't just speak with you.
Woman(4): I just spoke to a gentleman, and he was looking for a book.
Woman(4): and he said the title is concubine.
Woman(5): Okay.
Woman(4): I'm sorry.
Woman(4): Are you calling from an agency?
Woman(5): I'm sorry.
Woman(5): I'm not calling.
Woman(5): I think we received a call.
Woman(4): Okay.
Woman(4): I'm not sure.
Woman(4): But, okay.
Woman(4): I'm going to hang up.
Woman(4): We do not have the book in stock.
Woman(4): Sorry.
Woman(5): Um, okay.
Woman(6): I'm sorry.
Woman(6): I didn't find anything like that.
SPEAKER_10: Um, hello?
Woman(6): Hello?
Woman(6): Hi.
Woman(6): Were you looking for the porcupine?
Woman(7): You know, you know what?
Woman(7): I think we somehow got into a double phone call.
Woman(7): I don't know.
Woman(6): Um, did you find it by any chance?
Woman(6): I can't find it.
Woman(7): —No, I couldn’t—I—I wasn’t sure of the book, but something “Poke In The Eye” or something like that.
Woman(6): I heard porcupine.
Woman(7): Porcupine.
Woman(7): Okay, and I heard poke in the eye.
Woman(7): Oh, dear.
Woman(7): Okay.
Woman(6): Yeah, I'm not even finding it anyway.
Woman(7): Okay.
Woman(7): Well, good luck.
Woman(8): Hello.
Man(4): Hello.
Woman(8): Was there a subtitle at all, do you know?
Woman(8): A lot of books are showing up with the title of Porcupine.
Man(4): Is it the Porcupine or the Concubine?
Woman(8): Oh, conchupine. Oh, my goodness.
Woman(8): I heard Porcupine. I am so sorry.
Man(4): Oh, it's okay.
Man(4): I don’t know what the sound interference is that’s happening.
Woman(8): Uh, you said it was by Nora Lott?
Man(4): I'm seeing one by Nora Loss, and I'm just checking if that's the opposite.
Woman(8): —Um, yeah! If you don’t mind holding again, I can go double check—
Man(4): Also, there's some kind of weird sound interference.
Man(4): Hello.
Woman(8): Hello?
Man(4): Hi.
SPEAKER_10: Hi.
Woman(8): —if you don’t mind holding for just a moment, I can double check and see if we have The Concubine by Lott—Lott—
Man(4): There’s a lot of sound ir—interference.
Woman(8): There's...
Woman(8): is.
Woman(9): Sir?
Woman(10): Hi.
Woman(9): Okay.
Woman(9): I was not able to find that book.
Woman(10): Calvin Klein, you did not get it here?
Woman(9): Calvin Klein?
Woman(10): That’s what he told me the name of the book was.
Woman(9): In the back of the store, Kelvin Klein?
Woman(9): No, I couldn't.
Woman(9): I was it, look.
Woman(9): I thought he said, Porcupine.
Woman(10): Was it a used book?
Woman(9): Okay, no, we don’t have that book.
Woman(10): Oh! So yo don’t know what he’s asking for.
Woman(9): Is it Calvin Klein, or is it?
Woman(9): it, Porcupine.
Woman(9): What is the title?
Woman(9): I mean, I don't know.
Woman(9): What is he asking for?
Woman(10): He told me, he, he, the name of the book was Calvin Klein, and you got it here from our store.
Woman(10): He doesn't know the author.
Woman(10): And it's about the designer.
Woman(9): I know, and I looked, and I just looked in the biography area, and then I also looked in the fashion area,
SPEAKER_06: and it's not in either place.
Woman(11): Are you looking for the book, Porcupine?
Woman(12): No, he said Ernest Borgnine.
Woman(12): Oh, Porcupine.
Woman(12): Oh, Porcupine.
Woman(12): completely misunderstood.
Woman(12): —Okay, and—and you—you say I had a number of copies of it?
Woman(11): No, we don’t—so you’re looking for a book titled Porcupine, or is it a different name?
Woman(12): Well, he called me and I—he’s—I—I thought he said he was looking for Ernest Borgnine.
Woman(11): So are you looking for the autobiography?
Ricardo: Officer Brooks and Sanof, this is Ricardo.
Ricardo: Good morning.
Woman(12): Hello?
Ricardo: This is Ricardo.
Woman(12): Is this a joke, this call?
Woman(11): No, just give me a second.
Woman(11): I'm going to put you on hold.
Ricardo(?): Ah, “Porcupine”?
Man(5): Yes, sir.
Man(5): I'm having a hard time locating.
Man(5): I don't remember this title.
Man(5): This is this called Porcupine?
Woman(13): Did you say Palestine?
Man(5): Hello?
Woman(13): Hello?
Reina: Okay.
Reina: Do you have any more information about the particular book?
Reina: Is it about porcupines?
Reina: Without an author I'm not coming up with.
Russel: The title is Palestine?
Reina: Palestine?
Russel: Is that the title?
SPEAKER_03: Okay.
Reina: —Well, I put someone on hold who I thought was looking for a book titled “Porcupine”. But I could’ve misunderstood that. So—
Russel: Oh, porcupines?
Russel: I didn't hear that.
Russel: No.
Russel: I didn't put that on hold over here, so you got the wrong shop.
Reina: Okay, wait.
Reina: Who am I talking to?
Reina: This is Raina at Blue Cypress books, and I just put somebody on hold who called me.
Russel: —Oh, well you’re talking to Russel at Arcadian.
Reina: Weird.
Reina: Did you call me?
Russel: No.
Reina: That is so weird, because I literally.
Reina: Someone called me looking for that book.
Russel: And I said, oh, one of a minute, one of a sudden, I'm talking to you.
Russel: It's destiny.
SPEAKER_03: That is so easy.
Russel: Well, good luck, huh?
Woman(14): Okay, sir.
Woman(14): Sir?
Man(6): Okay, um, the only book we have is, ah, a title called, “Sparkling Wine Anytime”—
Man(6): Um, it's by Catherine Cole.
Man(6): Yeah, hello.
Woman(14): Hi! Um, I was just talking to you about the porcupine book?
Man(6): The Porcupine book.
Man(6): Give me one moment, please.
Woman(14): Okay.
Man(6): Yeah, I'm sorry, I was.
Man(6): talking to a gentleman on this line. He was looking for a book called sparkling wine.
Woman(14): Oh, okay. But did you ask about a porcupine book? A book called porcupine? You did not? Hello?
SPEAKER_10: Hello? Hello? Hi. Sorry, who's...
Woman(16): Oh, I'm so sorry. Were you calling about a book called porcupine? No. Oh, okay. Oh, wait, what are they
SPEAKER_10: looking for? They're telling me it's poor carmine. Oh, maybe I misheard. No, I don't think
SPEAKER_10: Porcupine is a book.
Woman(16): I'm not finding a book called Porcupine either.
Woman(16): Wait, I don't understand how you ended up on the other end of school.
SPEAKER_10: I have no idea.
Woman(15): How strange.
Man(8): I'm sorry.
Man(7): This has gone on long enough. I have to hang up. I have work to do, okay.
Man(7): Yeah, I have an inventory management system allows me to look up anything we have,
Man(7): and it's not showing anything up under just.
Man(7): plain porcupine.
Man(8): [laughs] Uh, okay, I—I think the person meant to call you, I believe; I think they were looking for a book called “Turpentine”.
Man(7): Turpentine. Oh, that's different than porcupine.
Woman(17): Hello? Yeah, what's the title of the book? He just said porcupine.
Woman(17): Oh! He told me, “Chorus Line”! Oh! [laughs]
Woman(18): Well anyway, um, we’ll let him unravel this one! [laughs]—
Woman(17): Okay. Yeah. That's...
Woman(17): That sounds good.
Woman(17): Okay.
Man(9): Hello?
Woman(19): Hello.
Man(9): Hi, this is Wiseblood.
Man(9): You called about a book called Porcupine?
Woman(19): No, not Porcupine.
Woman(19): The young man said that you got a book for me called Turpentine.
Woman(19): I don't remember a book entitled Turpentine.
Man(9): So I had somebody called Us at Wiseblood asking for a book called Porcupine,
Man(9): but I don't have anything called Porcupine.
Woman(19): Yeah, I don’t have anything called “Turpentine”.
Man(9): Uh, somebody else called me. I don’t know what you’re talkin’ about. I’m a—I’m a bookstore—
Woman(19): You don't know what I'm talking about. I don't know what you're talking about.
Man(9): All right. Okay.
Woman(19): All right. All right.
Woman(20): Hello?
Woman(21): Hello.
Woman(20): Hi. Were you just looking for a book called Porcupine?
Woman(21): [laughs] No, I just had a guy call and ask for “Poor Carmine”.
Woman(20): Oh. Wait. Who are you?
Woman(21): I’m the book shop in Lakewood!
Woman(20): But actually, what was the title he was actually looking for?
Woman(20): because I misheard him also.
Woman(21): Oh, he said, “Poor Carmine”.—
Woman(20): Parmine.
Woman(20): Oh, I thought he said porcupine.
Woman(21): That could be.
Woman(20): Okay.
Woman(20): Let me jump in here.
Woman(21): This guy asked me for porcupine.
Woman(21): He asked Max back for porcupine.
Woman(21): So I don't know what this dude is doing, but he's pulling some bullshit.
Woman(21): Oh, God.
Woman(20): Okay, great.
Woman(21): —We’re done.
Woman(20): Okay.
Woman(22): Thanks for Holting.
Woman(22): I'm sort of coming up a little empty-handed here.
Woman(22): —remember anything else about the book?
Woman(23): It’s—it’s called “Poke In The Eye”?
Woman(22): Oh, weird.
Woman(22): Okay.
Woman(22): So on the first pass, I heard porcupine, which is a totally different.
Woman(23): —Tha—tha—that could’ve been the correct one.
Woman(24): Hello?
Woman(25): Hi.
Woman(25): Calling about porcupine?
Woman(24): No.
Woman(24): You called me.
Woman(25): —That’s weird. I put somebody on hold and then when I picked up, you were there.
Woman(24): Oh, my goodness.
Woman(24): Someone just called us.
Woman(25): Did they call you about porcupine?
Woman(24): No, I think it’s called “Wine & Dine”.
Woman(25): Weird.
Woman(24): Weird.
Woman(24): Okay, I'm going to hang up.
Woman(24): I think this is on you.
Woman(24): We're a used bookstore, so I'm guessing it's not for us.
Woman(24): Anyway.
Woman(25): Well, no, we're a new and used bookstore.
Woman(24): Oh! Well, we wouldn’t have—they said that they were looking for multiple copies.
Woman(24): Weird.
SPEAKER_11: A weird scam, I guess.
SPEAKER_11: I don't know.
Woman(24): Weird.
Woman(25): Happy Christmas.
Woman(24): Are you hearing weird noises?
Woman(25): Yes.
Woman(25): Are we being reported?
Woman(24): What is going on?
Woman(25): I don’t know.
Woman(24): I hope that you have success with this.
Woman(25): You too.
Woman(24): Cool.
Woman(24): Bye.
Woman(25): Bye.
Woman(26): Hi.
Woman(26): Okay.
Woman(26): So I am not finding anything called Porcupine.
Woman(26): Are you sure it was the store, the specific Barbaras?
Woman(27): Ah, this is not Barbaras.
Woman(27): This is volumes.
Woman(26): Oh.
Woman(26): Oh, I'm sorry.
Woman(26): What?
Woman(26): I was just on the phone with a customer.
Woman(27): They just called me and were looking for a book.
Woman(26): Wait, and how are we talking, though?
Woman(26): That doesn't make sense?
Woman(27): —I don’t know—
Woman(26): Okay, that's really, really weird.
Woman(27): What were they looking?
Woman(27): for?
Woman(26): They were looking for a book called Porcupine?
Woman(27): Ah! See, mine was looking for “Pickel Vine”!
Woman(26): “Pi—“ What is happening?—
Woman(27): —I don’t know!—
Woman(26): The Matrix.
Woman(26): I don't know, but, um...
Woman(28): Alright, it looks like there’s a few books called “Porcupine”. Um—
Man(10): Is you just, are we going to...
Man(10): Is this another store I'm talking to?
Woman(28): This is the Hirshhorn location. But I have access to the inventory of other stores.
Man(10): Okay, this is book, sorry.
Man(10): This is book and music exchange.
Man(10): I'm from Booking Museum.
Man(10): This guy just put it together on a call looking for a book called Snorting Lines.
Woman(28): Okay, I’m not—yeah, I’m not seeing that.
Man(10): Yeah, that's what I'm...
Man(10): It's okay.
Man(10): Okay.
Man(10): Have a wonderful thing.
Woman(28): Have a nice day.
Woman(28): Yay, customer service.
Woman(29): Are you looking for, like, porcupine, like, the animal?
Woman(30): Hello?
Woman(29): Hello?
Woman(30): Oh, hey, I was talking to someone about a book.
Woman(29): Yeah, I was also talking to someone about a book.
Woman(30): Oh, I was talking to a different book.
Woman(30): person. It was a guy.
Woman(29): I was talking to you in a man. Okay, this is
Woman(29): very strange. Do you also work at a bookshop?
SPEAKER_10: I do.
Woman(29): —I’m working at a book shop. This is very strange!
SPEAKER_10: What are you looking for?
Woman(30): I was also helping a man, and he was like, I'm looking
Woman(30): for a book called Porcupine towards the
Woman(30): right of your story, and I was like, I have no idea what you're talking about.
Woman(29): Porcupine. I thought he was saying turpentine.
Woman(30): Oh, he, okay, so he was
Woman(30): asking both of us from different books.
Woman(29): I guess so? This is so weird.
SPEAKER_10: This is so weird.
QABC: I don't know how they have to be a whole company were located up the top of Queen Anne Hill.
Woman(29): —[laughs] Okay, well, I don’t think that you and I can probably help each other!—
Woman(29): Yeah, that was weird.
Woman(29): I hope you have a wonderful day.
SPEAKER_14: You too.
SPEAKER_10: Nice to be a week.
SPEAKER_14: That's a day.
LPC: That’s it!