Woman 1: Vinnie Sita.

LPC: Hi, yes. I got a coupon here.

LPC: You guys honor coupon up there?

Woman 1: What kinda coupon, sir?

LPC: It’s for, ah—It’s for, ah, two large pizza, one-time delivery.

Woman 1: We usually don’t have coupons for delivery.

LPC: And it said y'all took coupons up ‘ere.

Woman 1: We take coupons, but not on deliveries. They’re—

LPC: Okay, so if I pick it up, you don't know the coupon?

LPC: Big your pardon?

Woman 1: I can use a coupon.

Woman 1: for pickup or carryout.

LPC: I'll send an Uber up there to pick it up.

LPC: So I can get a pineapple.

Woman 1: What do—what does it say on the coupon?

LPC: It says remove here, pineapple.

LPC: Yeah.

LPC: And you take one off, and then it says that you'll accept coupon for double pizza.

Woman 1: I—uh, okay, but, I mean, does it have, like, a certain price or something?—

LPC: And then it says that you'll accept coupon.

LPC: Yeah, it says, let's see, $4.99.

Woman 1: That can't be here.

Woman 1: We don't have a pizza for that.

LPC: Oh.

LPC: Yeah, it says, let's see, $4.99.

LPC: I'll just send an Uber up, and they can pick it up, and I'll bring them back to the hotel here.

LPC: Did you have...

Woman 1: Fennis pizza?

LPC: Hi, so I'm over by the airport here, and I'm going to send an Uber over to pick some pizza.

Woman 1: We don't have an airport in Warrington.

Woman 1: This is Warrington, Virginia, sir.

LPC: I know. I’m coming in from Arlington.

Woman 1: There’s no airport around here, around our location.

LPC: I'm coming.

LPC: there and I'm sending an Uber to bring it to me.

Woman 1: You’re sending an Uber all the way from Arlington to Warrenton?

LPC: No, I'm in Arlington. I'm coming to the airport here.

Woman 1: But we’re like an hour away from you, sir.

LPC: So that's why I'm sending the Uber.

LPC: So they'll get there and they'll bring it to me and then I don't have to wait around for an hour.

LPC: So I just wanted to get two pineapple pizzas.

LPC: —And we’ll pick that up, here, ah, within the hour. Hm?

Woman 1: Do you want those large?

LPC: Too large?

LPC: Two large.

LPC: Okay, too large.

LPC: Too large.

LPC: And then a salad, and then you're going to take the coupon.

LPC: Let's see.

LPC: So salads.

Woman 1: Like a false salad?

LPC: What did you have?

LPC: I'd like to get extra croutons.

LPC: If I could.

Woman 1: We don’t have croutons for our salads here.

LPC: Uh-huh.

LPC: Let's see as artichoke.

LPC: Artichoke and cucumber and grated cheese and ranch.

LPC: Or a thousand islands.

Woman 1: The only thing we put on our salads is tomato.

Woman 1: onion, black olives, and cucumber.

LPC: Black olives.

LPC: Okay, black olives, cucumbers.

LPC: Any kind of cheese or mayonnaise?

Woman 1: W—w—we don’t put mayonnaise on our salads, sir.

LPC: Or artichoke.

LPC: Artichoke.

Woman 1: W—we don’t have that option, either.

LPC: Okay, cucumber, rants dressing, please.

LPC: And green peas?

LPC: Iceberg lettuce.

Woman 1: I don’t have peas here for my salads, either.

LPC: Okay, what did you say on the croutons?

LPC: What did you say on the croutan?

LPC: I couldn't remember.

LPC: So I'll take two salads on that and on bread stick.

Woman 1: We don’t have breadsticks.

LPC: Okay, cheesy bread.

LPC: Or something like that.

Woman 1: I have a garlic cheese bread.

LPC: Yeah, I need the garlic cheats bread with extra cheese and with pepperoni.

LPC: And with pepperoni on it, please, please, please.

LPC: Can you put the pepperoni on the cheesy bread?

Woman 1: All right.

Woman 1: Do you want a six or a 12 inch, sir?

LPC: Oh, it’s in a circle?

Woman 1: It's in a sub-rule.

LPC: It's what?

LPC: What did you say?

Woman 1: It’s on a sub roll.

LPC: What does that mean?

Woman 1: It's like a sandwich.

LPC: Will this fit in an Uber?

Woman 1: I’m sorry?

LPC: Will this fit?

LPC: In an Uber?

LPC: I don't know what size it is.

LPC: Can I get a 24-inch cheesy bread with pepperoni and extra cheese?

Woman 1: —I don’t know where you think you’ve called, but it—I—I don’t have--have the stuff you’re asking for.

LPC: Okay, you have cheesy bread, you said.

Woman 1: Yeah, it’s on a sub roll, though.

LPC: I have to get several?

LPC: Okay, I could take four of them.

Woman 1: No.

Woman 1: Don't a sub-roll.

LPC: Oh, one.

Woman 1: Oh, one.

Woman 1: Finish pizza.

Woman 1: Hi.

LPC: So I'm just trying to figure out this coupon that I have for your pizzas.

LPC: If I can get double pizzas, and it only says two, but I need four pizzas.

Woman 1: We don't have coupons here.

Woman 1: You've called the wrong location.

Woman 1: You're going to have to call tomorrow.

LPC: Okay, so I'll just forget the coupon.

LPC: Skip the coupon.

LPC: And I need those four pepperoni pizzas.

LPC: That's the last thing I need to add.

LPC: Add to the order.

LPC: I'm landing right now in Arlington.

LPC: Okay.

LPC: I'm sending an Uber by there in about.

LPC: 25 minutes.

LPC: All right.

Woman 1: Uber's not going to be here in 25 minutes.

Woman 1: Oh, sure.

LPC: What do you mean by that?

LPC: I already called them.

Woman 1: Stop calling here.

Woman 1: Call somewhere else.

LPC: [sfx] Uber is on their way, ma’am!

Woman 1: Oh, I see, sir.

LPC: Yes, I was just trying to get a total from my order.

LPC: I never got the grand total.

Man: What did you order, man?

LPC: I ordered four.

LPC: pizzas, two salad, and cheesy bread.

Man: So four large cheese?

LPC: Four large with pepperoni.

LPC: And pineapple.

LPC: Pineapple.

Man: Four large pepperoni and pineapple.

LPC: And what else?

LPC: And artichokes.

LPC: You have artichoke?

Man: Artichoke.

LPC: Yeah.

LPC: And bacon.

Man: So pepperon.

LPC: Bacon.

Man: And bacon.

LPC: And bacon.

LPC: Bacon.

SPEAKER_04: Yeah.

LPC: Four large.

SPEAKER_04: Four large.

Man: Oh, okay.

Man: Your name?

LPC: Uh, this is Skip.

SPEAKER_04: Kemp.

SPEAKER_04: Skip.

LPC: Skip.

LPC: Skippy.

LPC: Okay.

SPEAKER_04: Skip.

SPEAKER_04: Can be it in.

SPEAKER_04: Can pick it in.

LPC: I'm getting us four salads now tonight.

LPC: And I need four salads.

LPC: Carefully made.

LPC: Okay.

LPC: I want iceberg lettuce.

LPC: A head of lettuce.

LPC: Chop.

LPC: And fourth.

LPC: Even fourth.

LPC: And I need egg,

LPC: deviled egg.

LPC: Placed in the salad.

LPC: Okay.

Woman 1: Veneche pizza.

LPC: Hi! Could I get a pickup?

Woman 1: No, no, we're closed.

LPC: Excuse me?

LPC: —Can I get a—pick up a pizza?

Woman 1: We—we’re closed for the evening.

LPC: You don’t sound closed.

Woman 1: No, I'll close, sir.

LPC: Yeah, I'll be there in about 25 minutes, okay?

LPC: Can I get a cheese pizza and a mushroom pizza?

LPC: Half and half.

LPC: Can you do half cheese, half mushroom, half pepperoni?

Woman 1: It—it—W—what do you want on your pizza, sir?

LPC: Half pepperoni, half mushroom?

Woman 1: Anything else?

LPC: Yeah, on the other pizza, just all cheese.

LPC: Yeah.

Woman 1: Okay, so you want one cheese, one half pepperoni, one half mushroom.

Woman 1: Is that correct?

LPC: One cheese pizza, one half pepperoni, one half mushroom.

LPC: Uh-huh, ha, ha, ha.

Woman 1: Is there no reason why you're glitching when you're speaking to me?

Woman 1: You're glitching when you're speaking to me.

LPC: Well, I’m at a payphone at the airport right here and I’m—

LPC: —trying to place this order.

Woman 1: But that doesn't sound like you're talking about a computer, sir.

LPC: I'm talking on a payphone here.

LPC: I keep running out of corridors.

LPC: I'm just trying to place an order for pickup.

LPC: How long does it take for pickup, anyhow, up there?

Woman 1: It's going to be about 30 minutes, but if you're in Arlington, you're an hour away from me.

Woman 1: Do you understand that?

LPC: I'm saying an Uber up a lot.

LPC: The Uber's going to pick it up.

Woman 1: It costs you more to send an Uber out here and back to Arlington than it is.

Woman 1: is just to get something closer to you.

LPC: Oh, I understand.

LPC: I've already paid for the Uber.

LPC: It's not an issue.

LPC: Sally is her name.

LPC: She'll be there in 20 minutes.

LPC: I'm trying to place this order for two pizzas.

LPC: One is half mushroom.

Woman 1: 20 minutes, sir.

LPC: Half pepperoni.

LPC: Okay.

LPC: And then two salads.

Woman 1: Okay.

Woman 1: Half mushroom, half pepperoni.

LPC: Half mushroom, half pepperoni.

LPC: Large pizza, uh-huh.

LPC: Yeah.

LPC: And one large cheese pizza with no topping.

LPC: Okay.

Woman 1: Okay.

Woman 1: of dressing for your salad, sir.

LPC: Thousand Island?

LPC: Thousand Island.

Woman 1: Anything else?

LPC: And two cheesy brads, please.

LPC: With pepperoni's on the cheesy bread.

LPC: Yeah.

Woman 1: All right.

Woman 1: What's your name, please?

LPC: This is Skip.

LPC: S-K-I-P.

LPC: Skip Knox.

LPC: K-N-O-X.

Woman 1: Skip Knox.

LPC: Skip Knox.

LPC: Oh, I'm at 425.

LPC: 405.

LPC: That's my number at the hotel.

LPC: So if you can just have that ready,

LPC: Sally, the Uber driver is going to be

LPC: Opper. Okay.

LPC: Do you have any drinks?

LPC: Any fountain drinks or water or anything?

Woman 1: —I have bottled drinks, sir—

LPC: I'm thirsty up here.

Woman 1: You're talking about a computer.

Woman 1: Stop calling here.

Woman 1: Any pizza?

LPC: Yeah, do you sell bags o’ ice?

Woman 1: No, we don’t.

LPC: Okay, do you sell desserts?

Woman 1: Yes.

LPC: Okay, what do you got for desserts?

Woman 1: Uh, cannoli and cheesecake.

LPC: Okay, because now I need about

LPC: 64 canoles tonight.

Woman 1: We're not doing this again today, bud.

Woman 1: Not happening.

LPC: Well, I'm picking them up.

LPC: I'm taking an Uber down there and pick them up.

Woman 1: Yeah, no, no!—

Woman 1: You just pick up the order you called in the other day.

Woman 1: We're not doing this shit, man.

Woman 1: Call another place.

LPC: I need 72 cannolis!

Woman 1: I don't care, man.

Woman 1: We don't have them.

LPC: I'll give you some time to put them together.

LPC: I'm taking a lift down there.

Woman 1: Nope.

Woman 2: Vinny, Scott, place your order, please?

LPC: Yes, I’m tryin’ to get an order on some cannolis.

Woman 2: Um, what did you need?

LPC: I need about 72 canoles tonight.

LPC: It's for a...

Woman 2: —Okay, well, I’m so sorry that, um, we don’t have 72 cannolis.

LPC: Well, it’s for a banquet, for a children’s soccer team tonight.

Woman 2: And you would have to call prior to just calling right now to get canolies.

Woman 2: Thank you.

Woman 2: We would like for you not to call again.

Woman 2: Vinnie’s. Can I take your order, please?

LPC: Yes, I think I got cut off.

Woman 2: Okay.

Woman 2: You didn't get cut off.

Woman 2: We don't have any lasagna for you, and we would really appreciate if you would stop calling.

Woman 2: You need to call somewhere else.

LPC: Listen, two lasagna.

LPC: Hi, yeah, I need to get some meatballs, uh, meatball pasta.

Woman 1: I don't, I don't have that, sir.

Woman 1: If you could just stop calling here, I'd really appreciate it.

LPC: Could I get to order a meatball pasta?

Woman 1: Stop fucking calling here, dude.

SPEAKER_03: Many's pizza.

LPC: Hi, yeah, could I get pickup pizza?

SPEAKER_03: Okay, what side?

LPC: Uh, small.

SPEAKER_03: More cheese?

LPC: I need about 14 small pizzas.

SPEAKER_03: What?

Man: How many pizza do you want us, Sam?

LPC: We've got a banquet for a kid's soccer team.

LPC: You understand?

Man: What do you?

Man: How many pizza you want?

LPC: Uh, 14, 14 pizzas, please.

Man: Oh, I don't, I can't make it.

LPC: You can't make 14?

LPC: Hmm.

Man: No.

LPC: I'm, I'm taking a, um, I'm taking a,

LPC: car, I rented a car to come down there.

LPC: I'm taking a, I'm a,

SPEAKER_04: I'm a, okay, every, have a good night.

LPC: How about can you do 10?

LPC: Can you do 10 pizzas?

SPEAKER_04: I'm not even doing.

LPC: —Okay, I’ll take a small cheese—

LPC: —t—two small pepperoni—

LPC: and two small mushroom.

LPC: And we can call it good, okay?

Man: —Where you live?

LPC: I'm coming down from Arlington.

LPC: Oh, my, maybe not in.

LPC: We can call it.

LPC: I'll be there in 45 minutes.

LPC: I'm at the airport.

LPC: Oh, yeah, I'll be there in 40 minutes.

SPEAKER_04: Hey, call it one.

LPC: —Now, I need a small mushroom—

LPC: —a small pepperoni—

LPC: Oh, small pepper, and I need a small, I mean.

LPC: Can I get a pizza with half cheese, half pepperoni?

SPEAKER_04: Hey, call it.

LPC: Hey, guy.

SPEAKER_04: Thank you very much.

LPC: What's the matter, guy?

LPC: I'm trying to place an order here.

LPC: I'm at the airport, guy.

LPC: And I'm at the airport, guy.

Man: And I always say the airport.

Man: You are at the airport all the time.

LPC: Hey, I'm coming down right now.

LPC: I'll be there in half an hour.

LPC: And I need a half cheese, half mushroom.

LPC: I can't have half a half pepperoni and half.

Woman 1: Vinny's pizza.

LPC: Hi! Could I please pick up a half cheese, [pitch-down] half mushroom pizza?

Woman 1: No, but you can talk to the police station if you call back.

LPC: Half cheese half mushroom.

LPC: The who, now?

Woman 2: Station calling Joseph, Vinny, can I help you?

LPC: Yeah, I'm trying to get that lasagna and salad.

Woman 2: Okay, let me tell you this.

Woman 2: If you call back here again, I got your number down, and I will be calling the police right now.

Woman 2: I'm calling the police right now.

LPC: Don’t do that!