Woman: Hello?

LPC: Oh, hi, yes.

LPC: I'm Buster Cheeks.

LPC: I was looking for an apartment.

LPC: I was wondering if you could help me, please.

Woman: In Syracuse?

LPC: Uh-huh.

Woman: What size apartment are you looking for?

Woman: Hello?

LPC: Hi there. Can you hear me?

Woman: I—I—yeah, I have a bad phone connection in my apartment. So, what—what—

Woman: So what size are you looking for?

LPC: Well, I just want to make sure it's going to be compatible.

LPC: I do a lot of hopscotch.

Woman: —I don’t know what that is.

LPC: You know, you hop on the ground, left, left, right, left, right, right, left, right.

LPC: A lot of hopping up and down with hopscotch.

LPC: I want to make sure we're going to be compatible with the room and the flooring and the layout.

Woman: You're going to jump up and down on top of the other tenant's head.

Woman: They'll be annoyed.

LPC: Well, maybe I could be under them.

Woman: Well, what size room?

LPC: You know, I like to...

Woman: Are you looking for a two-bedroom apartment, a three-bedroom apartment, a rooming house room,

Woman: a one-bedroom, a studio.

LPC: I'm open.

LPC: I tend to set a lot of booby traps, you know, for intruders and stuff.

LPC: So I want to make sure it's going to be a good fit, you know, compatibility-wise,

LPC: so I can set my booby traps.

Woman: I'm, you know, we don't have, we're filled up right now.

Woman: Anything that we have is going to be available down the line,

Woman: and I don't know when we're going to be finished with the renovations.

LPC: Renovations, well, I don't need anything that fancy.

LPC: I also have.

LPC: How's a lot of, huh?

Woman: Hello.

LPC: Hi, yeah, it's Buster.

LPC: Do you think we could talk about, like, a shared rooming kind of thing instead?

Woman: —I don’t have anything available that would work for you.

LPC: Why’s that?

Woman: It sounds like you're going to bother the neighbors.

Woman: I don't have any ground floor units.

Woman: You're going to bother the neighbors.

Woman: No.

Woman: You've got some sort of, and I don't want my property's booby-trapped.

Woman: I'm sorry, you need to look elsewhere.

Woman: I'm unable to assist you.

LPC: Well, my main thing is that.

LPC: that I house a lot of jumping beans in there.

LPC: That's what I do for work.

LPC: So as long as we're okay on that, I think we could probably move forward.

Woman: I think that you're playing games with me.

LPC: —Ma’am, I have nowhere to live!

Woman: Well, you should go to a shelter.

Woman: I'm not a social service organization.

LPC: I have the money so we can get this put together—

Woman: I don't have any ground floor units of it.

Woman: What part of this don't you understand?

LPC: It doesn't have any ground floor.

LPC: I can be on a higher floor.

LPC: No problem.

LPC: All day.

Woman: Jumping on top of people.

Woman: heads.

Woman: Jumping on top of my, you've already said that you jump up and down and shuffle left and right.

LPC: —How ‘bout a big cash deposit? And—

Woman: No, I'm not.

LPC: —I could give you some jumping beans free o’ charge!—

Woman: According to New York State law, I can only accept one month security.

Woman: I'm not interested in having you as a tenant.

Woman: You've said that you jump up and down.

Woman: You play hopscotch in your apartment.

Woman: You really put up your apartment.

LPC: All day long.

Woman: And it's not about money.

Woman: It's about creating successful communities in which people can live.

Woman: And Buster.

Woman: I think you're busting my chops.

Woman: I'm not interested in having you as a tenant.

Woman: If you want to file a complaint with me, go ahead.

LPC: A complaint.

LPC: I don't even know you.

Woman: I have no ground floor units for me.

Woman: Do not call me again.

LPC: What if I set a booby trap for you?

LPC: Free of charge.

LPC: Protect yourself.

Woman: I’m not interested in you.

LPC: Don't call me again.

Woman: I'm not interested in renting to you.

Woman: I'm not interested in carrying on any more conversations with you.

LPC: Look, I'm going to send you a PayPal payment, okay?

LPC: And we can just get things started that way.

LPC: That's no problem at all.

Woman: I don’t have a PayPal account.

LPC: Or Venmo, you know, whatever it takes.

Woman: Fuck you.

Woman: Get out of my life.

LPC: Listen, I just need a place to live here.

Woman: Hello?

LPC: Hi, yes, this is Buster.

LPC: Cheeks. I did want to let you know I'm just dropping.

Woman: —Oh, fuck you! Get outta my life.

LPC: I’m just gonna bring you some references, okay?