Woman (1): Hello?

LPC: Hi, how are you tonight?

Woman #1: I'm doing fine.

LPC: Oh, good.

LPC: Listen, I'm going to be revving up my jackhammer.

LPC: I just wanted to clear it with you, make sure that was all right.

Woman (1): What you're talking about?

Wayne Bent: Yes, yes.

LPC: I'm going to get my jackhammer cranked up here tonight, ma'am.

LPC: It's going to make some loud volume.

LPC: I just wanted to make sure that was okay with you.

Woman (1): Oh, we're our neighbors?

LPC: Yeah, we're your neighbor.

LPC: Uh-huh. Yeah, uh-huh.

LPC: I'm going to plug it in.

LPC: to your outlet out front, okay, with my extension cord.

LPC: Is that okay?

Woman #1: What you want?

LPC: Huh?

LPC: I’m not?—

Woman #1: He warns.

Woman #1: He wants.

Woman #1: No.

LPC: Why not?

LPC: Well, I'm just going to plug it in right now for a few minutes, okay?

Woman #1: You don't want you in our yard.

LPC: Just for a couple minutes, okay?

LPC: It's not going to be a big deal.

LPC: I can give you two, three dollars.

Emilio Jr.: Hello.

LPC: Hey, Emilio.

Emilio Jr.: Yeah.

LPC: Hey, this is Dale.

Emilio Jr.: Dale, who is this?

Emilio Jr.: Where you from?

LPC: I'm from solar fantasies.

LPC: I do solar panels.

Emilio Jr.: Okay, what’s goin’ on?

LPC: I’m gonna be, uh… on the rooftops tomorrow. Gettin’ some measurements up there and—

Emilio: It's too late to be calm.

LPC: No, I’m gonna be up there at 4 AM, guy—in the morning.

Emilio Jr.: You're going to be what, at 4 a.m.?

LPC: On the rooftop, yeah.

Emilio Jr.: You ain’t gonna be on my roof at 4 AM—Shit!

LPC: Yes, I am.

LPC: Then I'll let you know how much is going to go.

Emilio Jr.: Oh, come on down, man.

Emilio Jr.: I'll beat the fuck at you.

Emilio Jr.: I'll throw you right off that roof.

LPC: No, guy.

LPC: I'm doing this as a favor.

LPC: Hey, Arthur.

Arthur: Yeah.

LPC: Hey, this is Timmy.

Arthur: Who?

LPC: Timmy.

LPC/Arthur: Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, hey, do me a favor.

LPC: Would you bring your receptacles and your bins closer into your house?

LPC: Kind of an eyesore out here.

LPC: All right, up 'ere?

Arthur: Who’s this?

LPC: I'm in the community, and I don't like what I see you up here.

LPC: Straighten it up a bit, and you understand?

LPC: Am I making sense?

LPC: Am I getting through?

Arthur: No, you’re not “gettin’ through”.

LPC: Oh, no?

LPC: Cheen, jean, jean.

Arthur: Oh, my God! What a fuckin’ idiot you are!

LPC: Look, I just do it as a favor.

LPC: and pick it up.

LPC: All right.

LPC: Get out there and strain it up.

Arthur: Pick up what?

LPC: Pick up your bins, guy.

LPC: Your garbage can.

Arthur: Where is it?

LPC: It's a mess is what it is.

Arthur: Where is it?

LPC: It's too close to me.

LPC: It's too close to my property line.

LPC: And I don't like what I see.

Arthur: What's your property line?

Arthur: What's your address?

LPC: You know, gargone, well, my address is.

LPC: Pick it up.

LPC: You got it?

Arthur: Not tonight.

LPC: What's it going to take for me to get through to you?

LPC: Huh?

LPC: What is it going to take?

Arthur: I’ll get rid of it tomorrow morning.

LPC: Tomorrow morning?

LPC: You're full of excuses.

LPC: Every time I turn around, huh?

LPC: Oh, I'll do it later.

LPC: It's not my problem.

LPC: It's, you know, just getting gear, guy.

LPC: All right.

LPC: Comprendi, or?

Arthur: Well if you come on my property then you better bring a body bag for yourself.

LPC: I'll bring my horse whip if you try to give me any lip.

LPC: And we'll see who needs the bags then, tough guy, huh?

Arthur: Come on over.

Arthur: Bring a body bag, boy.

Arthur: I'd just love to do it.

LPC: I'll bring my bull wet and take care you a one, two, three.

LPC: Splat.

LPC: That's it.

LPC: End the story.

Arthur: Bring anything you want, scumbag.

Arthur: I'm waiting.

LPC: You're going to be laying on the sidewalk.

LPC: When I'm done with you, I'm going to roll you into traffic.

LPC: What do you think of that one?

Arthur: Do that.

LPC: I’ll do that.—

Arthur: Okay.

Stuart: Hello?

LPC: Hey, Stuart.

Stuart: Yeah.

LPC: Hi, how you doing?

Stuart: Hey, I'm doing well.

Stuart: How are you doing?

LPC: Good.

LPC: This is Rory.

Stuart: Oh, Rory.

Stuart: Oh, really?

Arthur: Come over already.

LPC: What are you doing, guy?

LPC: I'm supposed to meet you outside.

LPC: What are you doing?

Arthur: I’ve been outside.

Stuart: You’re fulla shit, man!

Arthur: Yeah.

Arthur: Ring my fucking bell then.

Arthur: Come over already.

Stuart: Hey, man, can you cut it with the language?

Stuart: I've got my kid on the line here.

Arthur: You got your kid on the line?

Arthur: Ring my fucking bell.

LPC: I'm going to bring your neck, guy.

LPC: What I'm going

LPC: to do.

Arthur: Wring my neck, then, ya little dickhead!

Stuart: Hey, again, language.

Arthur: Fuck you, scumbag.

Arthur: Ring my bell.

Stuart: Hey.

LPC: What’re you prepared to do about it, there, guy?

Arthur: Ring my bell.

Arthur: and you'll see. *laughs*

LPC: You're going to be seeing stars, guy, once I'm done pummeling you.

LPC: You feel me?

Arthur: Really?

Arthur: I've been seeing stars when your daughter are sucking my dick.

LPC: Hey, lookie here, bunghole.

Stuart: Your going to see a black hole when I'm...

LPC: I'm going to take care of you real quick.

LPC: I'm going to take care of you tonight.

LPC: I'm going to lay you out.

LPC: I'm going to take care you real quick.

LPC: I'm going to take care you tonight.

LPC: I'm going to take care you real quick.

LPC: I'm going to take care you tonight.

Stuart: Hey, man, I think...

LPC: I'm going to lay you out.

Arthur: You what?

LPC: I'm going to take care you real quick.

Stuart: I think you're a pussy, man.

LPC: I'm going to lay you out.

Arthur: I'm going to lay you out.

LPC: I'm going to take you real quick.

LPC: I'm going to take care you tonight.

Stuart: I’m outside!

LPC: I'm going to lay you out.

LPC: I'm not going to take care of you real quick.

LPC: I'm going to take care you tonight.

Woman (2): Hello?

LPC: Hello?

Woman (2): Dark ages?

LPC: Oh, the Dark Ages, huh?

LPC: Thank you, thank you, thank you.

LPC: So, I need to get into a mystical

LPC: pewter spiral formation.

Woman (2): We have pewter, yes.

LPC: Okay, and I need a spiral and, I need a spiral and,

LPC: some kind of gnome, made out of pewter.

Woman (2): Oh, I don’t think we have—

Woman (2): We have the gnome, but it's not made of pewter.

Woman (2): The pewter, we have only dragons.

LPC: [delay] Oh, you have a gnome?

Woman (2): Oh, you have a gnome?

Woman (2): Yeah, but not the dragon, just the statue, like, made off, I think, as raisin.

LPC: Tell me about the gnome.

LPC: I want to know about the gnome.

LPC: Tell me about the gnome.

Woman at Dark Ages: It made all the raisin.

LPC: Of rations.

LPC: What are you squeaking about?

LPC: Do you have any kind of, ah, Pewter Overlord of some kind? [delay]

Woman (2): No, we have the… the pewter, but only dragons.

LPC: Oh, a dragon. Wow.

LPC: I want to get into a miniature liquefied gnome.

LPC: No.

LPC: If I can get that from you tonight in the midnight hour.

Woman (2): Uh...

LPC: Throw some Chinese stars at it.

Woman (2): Okay.

Woman (2): Um, can you give me your phone number?

Woman (2): I'll send you the picture of what we have.

LPC: Yeah, it's 885, 7,400.

LPC: You bet.

LPC: Have a good night.

LPC: Thank you.

Liz: Good afternoon.

Liz: Thank you for calling Kevin Jewelers.

Liz: Lee speaking.

Liz: How can I help you?

LPC: Yeah, do you guys got any pewter up ‘ere? [exhales]

Liz: No.

LPC: Oh, no.

Elaina: Hot topic.

Elaina: Elena, how can I help you?

LPC: Yeah, we got Kevin Jewelers on the line.

Elaina: line? Kevin Jewelers is on the line?

Elaina: Yeah, you have Hot Topic.

Elaina: How can I help you?

LPC: Well, what's going on up?

Elaina: I’m sorry, I don’t believe anything’s going on outside?

LPC: You don’t “believe anything’s going on”?

Elaina: Yeah, I don’t see anything going on outside.

LPC: Oh, there's microorganisms everywhere, young lady.

LPC: Did you ever stop to contemplate that?

Elaina: Actually, I took a microbiology and food class, so I know a little bit more about that than you.

Elaina: Was there anything I'd help you with hot topic, why then?

LPC: Yeah, I'd like to talk about the section of that.

LPC: the female avian reproductive tract where the shell is added to the egg.

LPC: It's also known as the shell gland in the scrub fowl.

LPC: If you want to get into that.

Elaina: You want to talk about something like Hot Topic wise, though?

Elaina: Because I do have some other things if you just want to talk about like microorganisms and stuff.

LPC: Well, you're the one who said you knew about this, about that, about everything else.

LPC: So let's get in a little pfowl, scrub fowl.

Elaina: Was there anything I could help you with that?

Elaina: With Hot Topic related, though?

LPC: The windpipe of the chicken.

LPC: I don't want to chew on that, chew on that, chew on that, chew on that, chew on that, chew on.

LPC: on that. Hi, how are we doing tonight?

LPC: Hi, too. Is this Dark Ages?

Woman (2): Yes.

LPC: Yeah, I was lookin’ for the pewter toad… that you guys got up ‘ere.

Woman (2): We don’t have pewter toad. We only have pewter with dragons.

LPC: Oh, and a gnome, right?

Woman (2): The gnome is not pewter; it’s, uh, made of the resin.

LPC: ”Raisin”! Oh, yeah! How ‘bout a three-dimensional mallard? [exhales]

Woman (2): Can you come to the store?

LPC: Yes, I'll be in.

LPC: And then we'll go over in person.

LPC: Sure, sure.

Man(1): Polyester Records.

LPC: Hi, how are you doing?

Man(1): Good, thanks.

LPC: Yeah.

LPC: Do you have any mule bowel on 7-inch?

Wayne Bent: Well, um...

LPC: Yeah.

Man(1): Sorry, “Mule Bowel”?

LPC: Yeah, and they got a split EP with Goofy Loaf.

Guy at Polyster Records: Hello?

LPC: You know what I’m sayin’? So—

Man(1): Good one.

Man(1): Have you ever heard of Longmod Potion Castle?

LPC: No?

Man(1): No? *laughs*

LPC: What's that about?

Man(1): Yeah, don't worry about it.

Man(1): No Goofy Loaf or, um, Mule Bowel.

Man(1): Yeah, sorry about that.

Man(2): Hello?

LPC: Yeah, this is Tony.

Man(2): Yeah, who’s this?

Man(2): Uh, hello?

LPC: Uh, hey, man, yeah, what are you doing tonight?

Man(2): Wait, this is fucking Longmont Potion Castle shit?

LPC: What are you saying?

LPC: there, guy?

LPC: Hey, are you ready to get tough?

Man(2): Oh, shit.

Man(2): Is this really the new...

Man(2): Hey, yo, but, yo.

Man(2): Hold up.

Man(2): Is this really the fucking Longmont fool or what?

LPC: What is up, my man?

LPC: What is up?

Man(2): Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, no.

Man(2): The numbers, because the numbers said it was coming from Denver...

LPC: Oh, hell no.

LPC: Oh, hell.

LPC: Missed me with that bullshit, bud.

Man(2): Hey, bro, how'd you get my number?

LPC: The guy from UPS.

Man(2): All right.

Man(2): All right, bro.

Man(2): What's up with Otis King, though?

Man(2): What's up with Otis King?

LPC: You're ready to get tough?

LPC: Check out my musculature in the midnight hour, or?

Man #1: Oh, shit.

LPC: I was thinking about heading out under the neon light tonight.

LPC: What do you say?

Man(2): Yeah, bro, you should do it, bro.

LPC: Yeah.

Man(2): Hey! Hey, bro! Hey, can you do me a favor?—

LPC: Check it out.

Man(2): Back in, like, in like 15 minutes.

LPC: Call you back?

LPC: What, are you busy or something?

Man(2): Yeah, yeah, I just got to, yeah, yeah.

Man(2): I got to go to my homie's house real quick, but.

Man(2): Yeah, call me back, bro.

LPC: I’ll give it a shot, bud!

Man(2): All right, take.

LPC: Hey, take care of us.

LPC: Oh, yeah, uh-huh.

LPC: Oh, uh-huh.

Man #1: Oh, uh-huh.

Man(2): All right, peace.

LPC: Yeah, peace out.