Album cover for Longmont Potion Castle 16
Longmont Potion Castle 16 · 2019

Barn Door

Track 4

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  • Man(1): Good evening. B & G Hardware.
  • LPC: Hey, I was tryin’ to convert a… doorknob on my, uh… barn door, here.
  • LPC: This old barn door is crickety-cracket, and I can't move the thing.
  • LPC: I need to get some oil on there or a new doorknob on here.
  • LPC: You got a product I can use.
  • Man(1): Um, ’s… there a reason—?
  • LPC: Huh?
  • Man(1): What type of sound? What sound is that?
  • LPC: It’s my barn door, my friend.
  • Man(1): Oh.
  • Man(1): Sounds like you’re on a train.
  • LPC: This door is gonna fall off if I don’t get a new knob pronto.
  • Man(1): Okay.
  • LPC: How much is a knob?
  • Man(1): The only knobs that we haven't...
  • LPC: …or like a double knob? Or triple knob? Ya know?
  • LPC: I wasn’t sure if you had the right product on hand, ya know, or not for a barn door.
  • Man(1): We don't really have anything for barn doors.
  • Man(1): A lot of our doors are for...
  • LPC: [delay] I wasn’t sure if you had the right product on hand, ya know, or not for a barn door. [pitch-shifted]
  • Man(1): Okay.
  • Man(1): I'm sorry, we don't have really...
  • Man(1): I'm sorry, we don't really have anything for barn doors.
  • Man(1): A lot of doors— A lot of the knobs that we have are mainly just for regular doors. Um…—
  • LPC: Is there something that I could use, like, with mineral spirits,
  • LPC: to pour it on there and see...
  • LPC: Is there something that I could use, like, with mineral spirits to pour it on there?
  • Man(1): It's kind of hard to hear you with that sound going back and forth.
  • LPC: The door?
  • Man(1): Is there a way you can move?
  • Man(1): Yeah, is there a way that you can, like, go to a quieter place?
  • Man(1): Like I said, it’s hard to hear you.
  • LPC: I could quiet the thing down, you know, with mineral spirits.
  • LPC: Or WD40.
  • LPC: I could quiet the thing down, you know, with mineral.
  • LPC: Uh, do you have any mineral spirits on hand at all?—
  • Man(1): Yeah, we sell m— Yeah, we sell mineral spirits.
  • LPC: Have any mineral spirits?
  • LPC: I should get a whole case, I figure, because it’s—
  • LPC: It’s a big barn door—about 20 feet by 15 feet—
  • Man(1): Sir, do you live in Brooklyn?
  • LPC: Yes, I do.
  • Man(1): Okay, let's make a sure.
  • LPC: It's a big barn door about 20 feet by 15...
  • LPC: Where are you all located up there?
  • Man(1): Yes, I do.
  • Man(1): We’re… in Williamsburg.
  • Man(1): On Roebling and South 2nd.—
  • LPC: Where you all located up there?
  • LPC: How much ya charge… up ‘ere?
  • Man(1): I’m sorry?
  • LPC: How much do y’all charge up ‘ere?
  • Man(1): What do you mean?
  • Man(1): How much to charge?
  • LPC: For the...
  • LPC: How much deal on?
  • LPC: For the WD-40?
  • Man(1): Once again, it’s kinda hard to hear you.
  • Man(1): I’m hearin’, like, three different things—that door.—
  • Man(1): That door, it's a lot of noise.
  • Man(1): It's making it hard to hear you.
  • LPC: WD-40?
  • Man(1): All right, sir, sir,
  • Man(1): do you understand what I'm saying?
  • Man(1): It's hard to hear you right now.
  • Man(1): Sir.
  • LPC: WD-4— Yeah, I’m trying to figure out the cost—
  • Man(1): It's hard to hear you.
  • Man(1): understand or hear a word that you’re saying.
  • LPC: Just the price.
  • LPC: How much the cost of the price?
  • LPC: Just the price.
  • Man(1): Once again, I still, sir,
  • Man(1): once again, I still.
  • Man(1): still cannot hear you.
  • LPC: WD-40!
  • Man(1): Sir, is there a way that you can move away? Because—
  • Man(1): Yeah, once again, sir, I can’t hear you.
  • Man(1): Is there a way you can move away from where you are?
  • LPC: Or an alternate product to WD40.
  • LPC: If you don't have that in, on hand, or an alternate product to WD40.
  • Man(1): Sir, it's not that we don't have it.
  • Man(1): It's the fact that I cannot hear you.
  • LPC: Well I don’t even know the price—
  • LPC: What aisle is it in too? If I come up later.
  • Man(1): Sir, I can't hear you.
  • Man(1): I can't hear you.
  • LPC: I don't even know the price.
  • LPC: What aisle is it in to if I come up later?
  • LPC: I just need to.
  • Man(1): Sir, I can't hear you.
  • LPC: What aisle is it in?
  • Man(1): Sir, sir, you’re—you’re not listening.
  • Man(1): I need you to move away from where you are so I can hear you better.
  • Man(1): I cannot hear you.
  • LPC: What aisle number is the WD-40 in?
  • Man(1): We don’t really have aisle—
  • Man(1): Sir, I c— Once again, I can’t hear you. Is there a way you can move away?
  • LPC: I’m movin’ around in circles, here. I think I’m tryin’ to...—
  • LPC: I can hear you.
  • Man(1): Sir, sir, sir, sir, sir.
  • Man(1): I'm just asking you to move away from the door
  • Man(1): into a quieter place so that I can hear you.
  • Man(1): Because I cannot understand a word with all the
  • Man(1): around you. Plus, there's another voice on the phone with you.
  • Man(1): So I’m trying to figure out what exactly you’re tryin’ to say.—
  • LPC: Reference to your location.
  • LPC: You said that you're in Williamsburg.
  • LPC: You're open to the west.
  • Man(1): Sir, we're located on South Second in Roebling.
  • Man(1): You can look at the knobs there.
  • Man(1): You can see if we, we do have mineral spirits,
  • Man(1): we do have WD 40, hopefully that helps.
  • Man(1): The best thing I can give you right now,
  • Man(1): because I'm having a hard time hearing you.
  • Man(2): Hold on.
  • Man(2): You couldn't hit the side of the barn with a doorknob.
  • None: You couldn't hit the side of the barn with a doorknob.